I Can Do Magic, Too!
by FaroreWorldshaper
Summary: Reading Harry Potter in the doorway of the TARDIS. The Doctor knew he should have looked before tossing his banana peel out the doors... Okay, now this story is officially rated T because of Captain Jack Harkness.
1. Prolouge: Magic in the TARDIS

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Nothing at all… *sniff*  
Please review, this is my first fan fiction!**

In the galaxy of Andromeda, a star was collapsing. If one had a way of escaping it's immense gravitational pull, one would have been able to see the beautiful colors that swirled inside the heart of the star. Erratic, yet graceful ribbons of light burst from the star's surface every few seconds. No ship could get that close, of course, and so nobody saw the blue police box whizzing around the supernova.

The Doctor was sitting on the edge of the open doorway of his Tardis, converse-clad feet dangling out over the side. He wasn't looking at the marvelous colors, though. He was eating a banana and flipping through a dog-eared copy of _The Half-Blood Prince _by J.K. Rowling, his (debatably) trusty TARDIS on autopilot. Behind him, in the console room, an immortal man named Captain Jack Harkness and a doctor-in-training named Martha Jones were arguing.

"I'm telling you, Martha, he's _not dead! _He's a wizard for Pete's sake, he can _apparate!_ He could have just Apparated to safety!" "You idiot, how could he have done that? He didn't have a _wand_ with him! Can't cast spells without a wand!" "Actually, the Carrionites didn't-" "Shut up, Doctor." Said Martha and Jack simultaneously. The Doctor grumbled and took another bite of his banana.

"Who says you need a wand to Apparate? Someone of Dumbledore's power could definitely use wandless magic!" "Alright, then how do you explain the body?" "I'm sure there's a spell for that." Meanwhile, neither Martha nor Jack nor the Doctor noticed the supernova steadily getting more and more unstable outside the open doors. The Doctor had now joined the argument without looking up from his book. "I say he fell, as he fell pulled a dead dummy out of an extradimensional pocket, then Apparated to another universe." "…" Jack considered this. "Would probably work." Martha gaped. "You're kidding, right?" The Doctor, meanwhile, finished his banana and threw it out the door without looking. The banana fell out of the TARDIS's protective force field, and was promptly sucked into the highly unstable heart of the star.

The star exploded faster than the eye could see.

There was an enormous BOOM, and a rush of light, then before anyone had even been able to notice anything the TARDIS screeched and was blasted away. The last thing the Doctor remembered was his copy of _The Half-Blood Prince _glowing...

**A/N: Not kidding, please review. This is my first fanfiction, and I want to know whether to continue it or not.**


	2. Chapter 1: Ginger!

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Nothing at all… *sniff***

**Please review, this is my first fan fiction!**

The Doctor groaned as he returned to consciousness. His first thought was that he felt different. Then he opened his eyes. He… was in totally unfamiliar surroundings. _Well, at least this isn't uncommon, _he thought wryly. Then he realized that probably said something about him. As he regained all of his senses, he realized he was in a compartment in a moving train. "Not the TARDIS," he said aloud, "Can't feel her close by in fact-Blimey, my voice sounds way different!" His voice sounded indeed different-younger? He looked down at himself, and instead of a man wearing a pinstripe suit he was a child wearing… robes? What? And… if these were robes, what was in his pocket if not a sonic screwdriver? He pulled out a long, thin stick of wood. He could feel the power thrumming through it. He felt someone shift to his left.

"Doctor…" The person muttered. He whipped around. Next to him, a boy was blinking groggily. "You're Harry Potter!" The Doctor suddenly exclaimed. The boy sat up, awake now. "What? Where?" He looked around wildly. "You!" Exclaimed the Doctor. The boy stared at him. "I-what? Wait, you're Ron Weasley!" Now the Doctor looked around wildly. "Where! Wait, you mean me. WAIT! DOES THAT MEAN I'M GINGER?!" "Yes, you-wait, _Doctor?" _The boy looked closely at him. The Doctor looked back. "…Jack? Is that you? Am I really _ginger?_" "Yup." Jack replied. "…Blimey. _Finally!_" "Doctor, what happened? Where are we, why am I Harry Potter and why are you Ron Weasley?" The Doctor scrunched up his face, thinking very hard. Then he realized…

…"_Where's Martha?" _Jack gasped. "I don't know-you think she turned into Hermione?" "It's the only thing that makes sense," The Doctor said. "I think we're in the first book, so she should be coming here soon." Suddenly the doors burst open and Hermione Granger ran through them, looking upset. "Has anyone seen The Doctor? He wears-" "Martha! It's me, I'm the Doctor and he's Jack." "Doctor!" Martha shrieked and ran to hug him. The Doctor hugged her back, trying to be comforting. "It's okay, we're all here." "Alright," Martha said, stepping back and looking at everyone, "What the _hell _is going on, Jack why are you Harry Potter, Doctor why are you ginger, why am I Hermione?" "Yeah, why did this happen?" Asked Jack. The Doctor looked sheepish.

"We-ell, after I threw my banana peel into the collapsing star, I do believe it supernova-ed on us, and since the doors were open… the TARDIS must have gone into her Bibliocrisis emergency setting, and-" "What the _hell _is a Bibliocrisis?" shouted Jack and Martha. "Shush, watch your language, not so loud, there are definitely others on this train! A Bibliocrisis is basically a Metacrisis with a fictional book… A wibbly-wobbly-meldy-weldy-thing" he added hastily upon seeing Martha's face. "So, we're in the Harry Potter world?" Jack asked slowly. "Yep, that seems to be about it…" "Where's the TARDIS?" asked Martha, looking scared. The Doctor sighed. "We-ell, it's complicated. Since we bibliocrisised, we're still in the TARDIS physically. But in reality-yes, they're different things-we're here in the Harry Potter world. Now, I've bibliocrisised once before-mind you, Sherlock nearly went insane trying to figure out what happened to John-and so I'm pretty sure we'll get out by the end of this book, which I _think _is the Sorcerer's Stone." Silence followed this pronouncement. Then both Martha and Jack shrieked, "_YOU BIBLIOCRISISED WITH THE SHERLOCK HOLMES BOOKS?!"_

"Story for another time." said The Doctor hastily. "…" Suddenly Martha grinned. "So, can we just go into the teacher's car now and unmask Quirrell, or are we going to have to re-enact the whole book exactly the way it happened?" "I don't think we _could _pull an exact re-enactment off, thanks to Captain Flirt here. But we can't just ignore the plot-me and Sherlock tried that as an experiment- so… we'll just have to pretend the best we can, but it's no problem if some minor details are changed. It's basically timey wimey, but in a book." "So even if Jack flirts with everyone, it's okay?" Asked Martha nervously. "NO, that is not okay!" Said The Doctor sternly. "Jack, no flirting or I'll cast a spell on you." Jack raised his eyebrows. "…Aren't Hermione and Harry supposed to be better spell casters than Ron?" asked Jack, smirking. In response, The Doctor aimed his wand at Jack and said, _"Rictumsempra!" _Jack immediately started laughing. "Stop… that… that tickles… AUGH!" The Doctor now grinned. "It's called magic, but it's really telekinetics and willpower. And no one has more willpower than a Time Lord!" He finished triumphantly. He then conjured a mirror and looked into it. "I really _am _ginger! Finally! Always wanted to be ginger, you know…" "We know." Said Martha and Jack together, Jack having gotten over the tickling spell.


	3. Chapter 2: Hello, Malfoy!

**Disclaimer: Lemme check… Nope. Still own nothing. Oh well.**

**Sorry for the total inconsistency between chapter size!**

The Doctor, Jack and Martha sat in their compartment practicing spells for a little while. Martha had just reclaimed her trunk with _Accio _and they were now making up spells with mashed-up Latin and eating food Jack bought from the cart. Suddenly, Martha sat up straight and looked at The Doctor, looking slightly puzzled.

"I'm Hermione Granger." She said with wonder. "Yes you are!" The Doctor happily exclaimed. "We're on a train going to Hogwarts, which doesn't exist." "Yup." "We're laying on the TARDIS's floor physically, and we're only in this made-up world, which is real, because you dropped a _banana peel _out of the TARDIS." The Doctor considered. "Pretty much." Martha looked at Jack incredulously. "How is this even…Why are we just… Jack, how are you not confused?" Jack looked at her, raising his eyebrows. Then he smirked. "Because as things go, this isn't even in my top 10 list of crazy things I've done." The Doctor nodded sagely. "Well said. Now, if I do recall correctly, there is a sort of perception filter on us (Sherlock was too much of a genius for it to work), so our 'families' will still see us as one of them." Jack's eyes suddenly got huge, and he sat up straight. "Don't you have two brothers who are twins, Doctor? The joke store ones?" "Fred and George! Jack, you're right! Ooh, I wonder what they're up to. They're ginger too, I bet. Have I told you guys I always wanted to be ginger? In all my regenerations, I've never been ginger." Martha raised her eyebrows knowingly at Jack as The Doctor babbled on about random, scienc-y things. "He should have been Hermione. She's the smart one, and that's The Doctor all right." "Oi!" The Doctor shouted. "I'm not a girl! Besides, me turning into Ron is an expression of my inner ginger-ness!" Jack and Martha sighed. "Riiiiight." "You know, I think the TARDIS turned him into Ron out of pity for his obsession with _gingers._" Martha said to Jack with a sigh. The Doctor sulked, which was interesting given he was currently 11 years old.

Just then, the doors slid open and everyone looked up. There, coming through the doors, was…Draco Malfoy, flanked by who they assumed were Crabbe and Goyle. "He's not at all bad-looking." whispered Jack admiringly to The Doctor. "Jack…" he started warningly, then stopped. "Actually, I give you permission to flirt with Draco Malfoy. Just please remember he is _fiction."_ Jack grinned and stood up. Draco opened his mouth haughtily, but before he could get a word out, Jack stuck out his hand and gave his most _charming _smile. "He-llo, I'm Harry Potter, at your service. Who might you be?" Draco blushed because Jack was being _that _way. Apparently, even being fiction didn't stop Captain Jack Harkness from flirting. Martha and The Doctor looked on, interested. Jack _winked _at Draco, who sputtered and said, "I-you-I'm-I'm Draco Malfoy. I," he said, regaining some of his former haughtiness, "can see you haven't been hanging with the _right _sort of crowd. I could help you with that, you know. But don't stick around with the Weasleys. They're the _wrong _sort of wizard." Jack had been listening with his eyebrows raised. Then he smirked and said, "I can show you just how _right _the crowd I've been hanging with is." Draco, Crabbe and Goyle blanched simultaneously and fled the compartment.

"I cannot-_believe-_you just-flirted-with Draco Malfoy!" gasped Martha between giggles. The Doctor had laughed so hard he fell onto the floor, and Jack picked him up, also laughing. "It's just a pity it didn't work!" he said, making everyone laugh harder. The Doctor looked out the window as he got back in his seat. "Blimey, I think we're almost here! Everyone, you ought to change into your robes." "Yes, _mummy," _said Martha, still giggling. Martha left and went to change into her robes, and The Doctor talked seriously with Jack for a moment as he waited for Jack to finish. "Jack," he said, "You are going to have to at least try to act like Harry Potter does in the books, otherwise the reality will go all wibbly-wobbly and we might get ejected from it early, and I have no idea what will happen if we do. But it will be bad. So, try to be humble, okay?" "Got it, Doc," Jack said, smiling, "I may be immortal-I still am in the book, right? Yeah, thought so-but, I get that you guys… aren't. Besides, cosplaying is _fun!" _The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. "Right, thanks-Martha, good to see you again! Remember guys, you have to answer to your new names, not your old ones, unless we're alone. Got it?" "Yes." Martha and Jack chorused as the train screeched to a halt. The Doctor grinned. "Right then! Allons-y!" He strode off with his confident walk, robes billowing much in the same fashion as his trench coat. Jack and Martha shared a grin, then followed him off the train.

**Yes, Jack just flirted with Malfoy. **

**Please, please review! I have no idea what I'm doing otherwise, and this is my first try so I don't know if I'm horrible or not!**


	4. Chapter 3: Sorting

**Disclaimer: I, sadly, own nothing.**

**Sorry for chapter inconsistency!**

The Doctor, Martha, and Jack stepped off of the train. "Remember, you don't know anyone!" hissed The Doctor. Martha and Jack nodded, looking around. Jack started to ask a question. "But where is-" "FIRS' YEARS OVER HERE! FIRST YEARS OVER HERE!" Hagrid saw them and smiled. "'Ello, Harry! Ye alrigh'? Come on, everyone get in a boat!" The three quickly got into a boat together, and Hagrid sent them all off across the lake. The Doctor saw a merman, and the two had a quick chat in Aquan. Then he looked up to see Jack and Martha staring at him with wide eyes. "What?"

Suddenly he gasped. Martha and Jack turned, and _there was Hogwarts. _A castle, beautiful, with turrets and candles… "We-we're really at Hogwarts." whispered Martha. "Yep!" The Doctor was grinning, and Jack was openmouthedly gaping. The boats gently glided to a stop, and Hagrid led them inside. A stern looking lady was there. "I am Professor McGonagall. You will wait here momentarily, and then you will be Sorted into one of four Houses." She then turned sharply and left. People around them were whispering nervously about what _Sorting _would entail, as Martha, Jack, and The Doctor nodded to each other. "Remember, ask to be in Gryffindor!" whispered Martha with a grin. Jack laughed, and just then Professor McGonagall returned. "Come with me into the Great Hall." she said sternly, and the first years all huddled together and followed her. They gasped as one when entering the Great Hall. "It's-amazing," said Martha in an awed voice. They were told to sit and wait. Then, Professor McGonagall suddenly reappeared with an old hat. "It looks even rattier than I imagined," whispered Jack. The Doctor frowned and kicked him discreetly. The hat sang it's song (Which Martha, diehard fan, knew by heart), and then the names were called. The three vaguely payed attention until "Granger, Hermione!" was called. Jack and The Doctor looked intently at Martha as she hesitantly went up to the stool and put on the hat. The hat paused, and The Doctor could tell it was having a discussion with Martha in her head.

MARTHA

She put on the hat, which smelled vaguely damp. "Aha," said a voice in her head, "Now what have we here? You aren't Hermione Granger… In fact, you aren't even from this reality!" Martha nervously thought, _yes. _"I can see what you know you must do. But really, this character? Went with The Doctor when you hardly knew him… I would say you were born a GRYFFINDOR!"

Then it yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!" and everyone clapped and cheered. Jack and The Doctor let out small, relieved sighs. The list went on until "Potter, Harry!" was called, and everyone started whispering. "Did she say _Harry Potter?" _was the most common. Jack walked up to the stool and put on the hat.

JACK

"…You're immortal." Was the first thing the voice in Jack's head said. He smiled sheepishly. _Not my fault,_ he thought. "I can see that." said the hat thoughtfully. "I can see several things about you, in fact." _I can show you more than that, _Jack thought suggestively. He could feel the presence in his mind become repulsed. "GRYFFINDOR!" It cried hastily.

"GRYFFINDOR!" As the hall erupted into cheers and shouts of "_We got Potter!" _The Doctor couldn't help but think that the hat seemed slightly disgruntled as the next name was called and Jack sauntered over to the Gryffindor table. He was so busy musing he almost missed Draco's name, and subsequent sorting into Slytherin, but then suddenly he heard, "Weasley, Ron!"

THE DOCTOR

_"How are you friends with that guy?!" _the voice in his mind demanded as soon as it was on his head. _Did Jack really…? Sorry, so sorry about that, _thought The Doctor with a sigh. "Wait, you thought my singing was like a _what?" A Zirrclonifian, _thought The Doctor brightly. _It's a compliment. _"I can see," commented the hat, "And my, my, what else is in here? Dear Doctor, you are perhaps the bravest, most loyal, smartest, and cleverest man I have ever seen. You would do well in Ravenclaw, but-oh my? What have we here?" _Do not go near that part of my mind. _thought The Doctor with a cold fury. The hat sighed. "Oh, dear Doctor. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But you know as well as I that that war had to happen, and it had to end." _I just wish there was another way… _The Doctor thought sadly. The presence in his mind seemed to approve. "Just for that, I can see you are the truest of true. Godric himself would be amazed. You, dear Doctor, are a GRYFFINDOR!"

Jack and Martha, sitting together, saw a play of emotions on The Doctor's face, including unmistakable sorrow, then the hat yelled "GRYFFINDOR!" and everyone cheered. The Doctor gave a forced smile, walked over to the Gryffindor table, and promptly collapsed with a sigh between Martha and Jack. Martha looked worried. "Do-Ron, are you sure you're alright?" she asked, concerned. "…Fine. I'm always fine." he said, and sat up as Fred and George came over. "Knew you'd be a Gryffindor!" Said Fred, grinning. As The Doctor perked up and talked animatedly about possible pranks with the twins, Martha and Jack made baffled faces to each other, shrugged, and listened to "Zamboni, Blaise!" becoming a Hufflepuff. Then they turned to The Doctor. "Why did you just discuss illegitimate things with your 'brothers'?" asked Jack. The Doctor smiled fondly. "I remembered my University days… Me and The Master were basically Fred and George, plus more explosions and sonic tricks. He wasn't always bad!" he added when seeing the looks on their faces. "Riight… Anyways, listen! It's _Dumbledore!"_

Sure enough, Dumbledore was about to make a speech. He then made the speech which the three vaguely remembered, which included the don't-go-in-the-third-corridor part. After which, all three ate and talked about wizard-safe topics. After they went up to the common room "_Doctor, the stairs are really moving!" "You travel in a blue box that's bigger on the inside and you're amazed by moving stairs?" "It's Hogwarts, Doctor.". _Then they arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait, and The Doctor kicked Martha to prevent her from squealing. (Jack, surprisingly, was doing a good job of acting.) Before the three went to their rooms for the night, The Doctor grabbed them and pulled them together. "Remember, you lot-anwer to your new names, and Jack, _no flirting _or I think you'll break the book." Jack rolled his eyes and sighed, and Martha giggled. "What's so funny?" "…I think that Ron and Hermione are going to be in switched roles tomorrow…all year, probably." They laughed, and Jack's eyes got huge and he whispered, "_Potions!_"

Everyone went to their beds still chuckling.


	5. Chapter 4: First Day

**Disclaimer: …Yep, still own nothing.**

The next morning, Jack smiled as he woke up. It really wasn't every day that one got to go to Hogwarts in a false reality. He decided, as he said hello to people, to make it as close to the book as possible… with a few exceptions. He had to stifle his giggles as Ron (The Doctor) mouthed to him, _Still Ginger, _with a look of excitement. He had made several new friends in his usual charming fashion by the time he got his schedule in the middle of breakfast. His eyebrows raised as he looked it over with The Doctor and Martha. "Aaaand, who's up for Transfiguration with Professor Kitty and the Slytherins?" he asked.

Martha nearly choked on her porridge. _"Professor Kitty?"_

Sure enough, when they went into the classroom, a cat with spectacled markings was sitting on the desk. Jack gasped with the others for believability when it turned into a stern-faced Professor McGonagall. "Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts. Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned." After she said this, Jack heard The Doctor mutter, "So how come she's a kitty then?" He had to disguise his laughing in a fit of coughing. After having fun watching The Doctor turn his match into a needle, then a match again, then something that looked vaguely like a letter opener and definitely wasn't found on Earth, then _look expectantly at Jack, _he gave up and laughed helplessly. By the time he recovered, he found his match and The Doctor's both simple matches and Professor McGonagall standing over their table, eyebrows raised. "What is so funny, Potter?" "I'm-I'm sorry, Professor, it's just so unbelievable," he said, trying for sheepish-overwhelmed. Sure enough, Professor McGonagall smiled benignly. "Please try to focus," she said and left. She loudly praised Martha's match, which had become all silvery and pointy. Jack kicked The Doctor. "You're supposed to be angry!" he hissed. "Well, I am now." he grumbled, rubbing his shin.

In Potions, Jack watched as Snape dramatically entered the room-_His robes billowed like The Doctor's coat,_he noticed with a grin-and bullied Jack, as well as making his overly dramatic speech about "Bottling fame and brewing glory", and Jack pretended to not listen and acted surprised when Snape barked his name. "Potter!" he said. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?" He pretended to think for a few seconds before saying quietly and innocently, "Draught of Living Death, sir." Snape looked displeased and immediately asked, "Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar, Potter?" Jack replied, still in his 'innocent' voice, "It comes from a goat's stomach, sir." Snape looked thunderous. "What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?" Jack really pretended to think for a little while, then said eagerly, "There isn't any, sir, and isn't it also called aconite?" Snape actually looked slightly incredulous (as well as extremely angry) that Jack knew this. Jack _really _hoped he wouldn't ask any more questions, because those were the only ones from the book, and as such, were basically the only Potions-related things he knew. But he was in luck, because Snape's next question was, "What is one of the main ingredients in Polyjuice Potion, Potter?" He could feel The Doctor hiding his smile next to him as he said, "Boomslang skin, sir." At this point, Snape looked murderous for a few moments, then raised his eyebrows and said, "Very well then. I see you have at least _minimal _preparation. However, you will need far more if you are to be even adequate at Potions." He then paired them off to make a boil-curing potion, and Jack saw The Doctor inconspicuously prevent Neville from destroying Seamus's cauldron. Unfortunately, one time Snape saw him and told him off for "Helping another student cheat" and took 5 points off from Gryffindor. After the class, Jack turned to The Doctor. "He just wouldn't be able to function without some points off from Gryffindor, would he?" The Doctor winked. "Neville didn't _need _to put in 5 porcupine quills. Snape _needs _to bully poor young Gryffindors. Oh, and by the way? You're welcome for the mind shielding." "Thanks!" Jack said sarcastically.

**A/N: Yep. Jack's trying not to flirt, and The Doctor is being The Doctor. Shoulda read the books, Snape.**

**Please review! Reviews are for Hylian goddesses what cookies are for mortals!**


	6. Chapter 5: Flying

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lovely people in Harry Potter or Doctor Who. I own nothing but a t-shirt with a forest gargoyle picture on it.**

**Sorry for the irregular update schedule! But I gave you 2 chapters 2 days ago… so it's even, right?**

Jack and The Doctor were already talking with heads together when Martha entered the Great Hall for breakfast. She walked over to where they were sitting, curious. "So, what's going on?" she asked. The Doctor looked up and raised his eyebrows. "Check your schedule." he said simply. She checked it.

"Holy sh-_flying lessons with Slytherin?" _she gasped. "But-that's when-" "I know, right?" Jack was practically bouncing in his chair, eyes bright. "The Doctor was telling me I might not get spotted by McGonagall, but even so! I'm going to save-are you certain Neville will have to be saved, Doctor?" The Doctor sighed. "He would have burned Seamus's cauldron without help, remember?" Martha suddenly burst out, _"We're going to fly! On broomsticks!" _Jack and The Doctor looked at her curiously, then grinned at each other. "Somehow I think Hermione will be an avid participant in flying lessons." Jack said as he winked at The Doctor. The Doctor, meanwhile, genuinely looked thoughtful. "You know, I bet it will be easier than flying the TARDIS-you don't need six people to do it right, after all." Jack sighed. "Let's just hope the broomstick driving test doesn't end up the same way as the TARDIS one did." "Oi!" The Doctor cried indignantly. "I passed the fourth time… sort of!" Martha looked at Jack, and they both burst into laughter. "Please tell me you got at least _one _proper pass on the driving test for that thing!" Martha cried. The Doctor muttered something that sounded like _no_. "No wonder he always ends up in the wrong century." murmured Martha to Jack.

Then they burst out laughing again.

On their way to the flying pitch, 'Harry' could be heard exclaiming to 'Ron' excitedly that they were going to fly on actual broomsticks. 'Ron' was telling his friend how it wasn't a big deal in the 'wizard-y world', and 'Hermione' was muttering fiercely to herself things from books. "Good work staying in character," The Doctor muttered. Martha was likewise quiet. "I'm not-I'm a bit worried, really. Remember the fall in Prisoner of Azkaban?" Everyone shuddered. "Mate," The Doctor said to Jack seriously, "Keep a hold on your broom. I don't want to have to explain to hysterical 11 year olds why Harry Potter won't stay dead and/or that they are fiction." Martha sniggered quietly, and that made Jack and The Doctor laugh full-heartedly.

When they arrived on the Quidditch pitch, Madame Hooch told them to say "Up!" in a firm voice, etc. etc.. Jack said "Up!" excitedly; the broom leapt into his hand. The Doctor, next to him, was of course already _telepathically_ _speaking_ with his broom while holding it with a slightly dazed look. Martha had her broom in her hand as well, though she looked excited rather than barely lucid like The Doctor.

After sniggering as Draco Malfoy's ego deflated ("You've been doing it wrong for _years, _Malfoy!") they got onto their brooms, and Madame Hooch said, "I will count to 3, then blow the whistle, then you will push off the ground. "And 3, 2, 1, pow" muttered Jack to himself as he watched Neville shoot off early. Everyone was so busy shrieking that no one noticed The Doctor subtly cast a Bouncing Charm on the tree Neville was about to hit. Sure enough, Neville bounced off the tree and landed on the ground, mostly unharmed. He had a pretty bad bloody nose, though, so Madame Hooch left the class to bring him to the Hospital Wing, informing the class that "No horseplay is to go on!" Sure enough, soon Draco Malfoy was loudly exclaiming how it was a bad thing poor stupid Neville lost his Remembrall, holding it up to the light. That really did make Jack angry, and he stepped forwards. "Give it here Malfoy, it's not yours." he said quietly. "Oh yeah?" sneered Draco. "Then come and get it." He shot off on his broom, and some Slytherins whooped loudly. Jack took a deep breath, and kicked off with his broom.

Jack hadn't realized exactly how difficult a broom was to steer. It was vaguely like holding onto the TARDIS while it was flying through the Vortex, but he didn't die in the middle. _That's an improvement, at leas-Shit, _he thought as he narrowly avoided hitting a tree. He turned his broom towards Malfoy and concentrated all his Potter-ness on the broom. _Shit tree no no NO GO RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT damn broom lists to the left MALFOY!_

He caught the Remembrall that Malfoy dropped, and glided to a stop on the ground. Everyone was cheering, and the thrill of flying was still in his blood. "Aaand 3, 2, 1," "POTTER!" "Cue angry Professor Kitty." he muttered. He was really only half listening as Professor McGonagall ranted at him for a while, instead still feeling the sense of flying. It was amazing, like using a Vortex Manipulator while drunk on Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. He was snapped out of his thoughts by hearing Professor Kitty say, "Lemon drops!" to a gargoyle statue, which jumped aside. _Aren't I supposed to go to Wood? Oh… I must be in trouble. Eh, oh well. _Then the statue talked to Jack. "Hey, you're friends with that ginger Doctor dude, right?" it asked cheerily. "Will ya tell him I said hi?" "No problem," he assured the statue. The Professor had already gone up the stairs, thus missing this exchange. Jack ran to follow her, and as a result barreled into the headmaster's study and promptly knocked over the Sorting Hat. "Get away from me, pervert" it grumbled. Jack smiled charmingly at it before realizing it wasn't supposed to be on the floor…

…He looked up. Headmaster Dumbledore was sitting there with his half-moon spectacles, raising his eyebrows as McGonagall told a boy solemly, "I've found you a seeker, Oliver." She then turned to Jack and said, "Harry, this is Oliver Wood. Oliver, this is Harry Potter, your new Seeker."

All Harry could think on his way back to the common room was, _Holy crap, I'm a Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team._

_ …Martha's going to be jealous._

**Am I really the only one who thinks a crappy school broom should fly a bit more… crappily, especially on one's first go-around? Oh, and yes, I did a Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference. Problem?**

**Anyways, semi-important: Not sure I am going to keep up the updating-every-day schedule. Really I'll try, but please forgive me if my updates are totally irregular.**


	7. Chapter 6: That's Next Year!

**Doctor Who belongs to the BBC, Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling, and… yeah, I got nothing. Oh well.**

Jack got his broom in the mail two days later. "Yessss" the three cheered. Martha, surprisingly, was perhaps the best at flying next to Jack, and wanted to try his new broom. Jack found that his new broom was amazing, it followed his directions like it knew what he was thinking. He also found that Oliver Wood really was obsessed with early-morning Quidditch practice, as well as keeping Jack's skills a secret.

"So it's 4 in the morning, hail the size of peas, and Wood is telling me, 'come on, don't be a sissy! Just get back in the air!'" he complained to Martha and The Doctor over breakfast. They laughed. "Well, you ARE immortal!" pointed out Martha, grinning. The Doctor giggled. "Yeah, you've managed clinging onto the TARDIS in the middle of the Vortex, so what's a little hail?" All three of them laughed. The Doctor lowered his voice. "If you don't have too much homework, I have some _fun _planned. Courtyard at 5?" "YES," said Martha and Jack. "Life feels weird without running from aliens trying to shoot us," complained Martha. Jack nodded solemnly in agreement. "Well, we do have Professor Kitty."

After a long day, which included a very fun Transfigurations class in which The Doctor turned his beetle into all the different kinds of buttons he had encountered in the universe when the teachers' back was turned, Jack and Martha found themselves in the courtyard. The Doctor bounced up to them. "Follow me!" he said, grinning. They shrugged and hurried to catch up with the ginger figure already striding away.

"…Doctor?" "Yes, Martha?" "…Why are we in the Forbidden Forest?" The Doctor turned to the both of them and grinned his I-have-an-idea-which-may-get-us-killed grin. Martha and Jack both cringed inwardly. "I found the Acromantula colonies!" Martha and Jack stopped dead. "Ok," said Jack, taking a deep breath with his eyes closed, "First, that's not till next year. Second… _they're giant bloody spiders that want to eat people!" _The Doctor, still grinning, looked vaguely puzzled. "They're friendly enough once you talk to them. What's wrong?" Martha facepalmed and sighed. "Are you _sure _you're Ron and not Hagrid?" was all she asked. Not really having payed attention to the route they had taken there, Jack and Martha had no choice but to follow The Doctor, though they did so reluctantly.

They came to a clearing, and… a giant spider scuttled out from between the trees. John introduced him as Aragog, the chief/leader/whatever of the spiders. Then he introduced Martha and Jack to the rest of the clan.

Half an hour late, they were running for their lives through the woods, following John. "Running." huffed Martha. "Why. Is there. Always. So much. _Running." _ "Remember this morning?" "Shut up Jack." The Doctor, meanwhile, was yelling at Jack. "His WIFE. You were hitting on Aragog's WIFE-_why?! _She's… WHY?" Jack was quite cross. "I haven't been flirting with _anyone _for almost a month! D'you want me to _die, _Doctor?" "Yes! And then I'll kill you again when you come back!" "…Fair point."

Many people wondered that day why Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger had bits of leaves and spiderweb stuck in their hair and robes, and why Ron and Hermione were angry at Harry. No one said stuff about it, though, after Ron cursed Draco Malfoy (then his two goons) when he made a snide comment. Being a ferret for a week didn't look like fun.

**So… yeah. What, you thought Jack could turn off his flirting?**

**I JUST WATCHED REICHENBACH FALLS! WHAAAAHHHH THE FEELS**

**No, I don't care that it's unrelated. IT IS STILL JUST… WHYYYYYYY?!**


	8. Chapter 7: Not Again!

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing except the plot! And even that technically isn't mine! Waaahhhh.**

**THANK YOU FEMALE WHOVIAN AND NOTWRITTEN! Seriously, I wasn't sure whether to continue this or not. All feedback is appreciated (including "Ways this story sucks")**

Serverus Snape was looking over the assembled students. It was a week before Hallowe'en, and the students were all having dinner. The headmaster wasn't there, though, which was the cause of a few whispers among the students. His eyes settled on three first-years. Hermione Granger, who was alright at Potions, Ron Weasley, who for some reason was a _genius _at Potions (Was he adopted or something?), and… Harry Potter. He still wasn't sure what to think about Harry; he looked just like Him, the bastard. But… he was good at Potions. _Like Her, _he thought. Interestingly, whenever he tried Legilimency on Potter, the results were always rather hazy. Odd… Perhaps a result of one of Dumbledore's protections?

His musings were interrupted as Dumbledore walked into the Great Hall, an elderly man trailing behind him. The headmaster turned to the sitting students. "Everyone?" The hall felt silent. "I would like to present your new Astronomy teacher… Professor Yana."

Snape, still looking at the three Gryffindors, was surprised to see Hermione choke on her peas, Harry to drop his face into his plate of mashed potatoes, and Ron's eyes got huge. He performed a quick Legilimency check on the three of them, surprised to read all their thoughts perfectly clearly.

_Not again, _they were all thinking. _Not HIM again!_

**Aaaand who was expecting that?**

**Sorry for the short chapter, but as you can see, it's sort of important.**


	9. Chapter 8: Truce

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of these stories.**

Martha was hyperventilating, Jack was having flashbacks to the times (plural) he was killed, and The Doctor was just stunned speechless. The rest of dinner passed in a daze for them. After dinner was over, The Doctor snapped out of his weird trancelike state and said, "Follow me." They got as far as the second floor before Professor Yana stepped out in front of them, wand aimed at Jack's face.

_Aaand crud, _the three thought. Professor Yana said, very quietly, "Follow me. Or else." He then proceeded to grab The Doctor, holding him by the robes and pushing him through abandoned hallways, Martha and Jack following silently. Professor Yana pushed the three of them through a door that had suddenly appeared-"_The Room of Requirement_", Jack hissed to Martha. Professor Yana gestured to three chairs that had suddenly appeared. "Sit." They sat, still tense.

Professor Yana sat, then sighed. "Don't you dare think I'm here by choice, _Doctor. _Your fourth self is chasing me around the galaxy right now and a few Daleks are trying to kill me, so I bibliocrisised with a book I found near a supernova. Of course, only after I've done that does your TARDIS tell me that this book is already occupied. She wants us not to kill each other, by the way-that's the only other thing she told me.

"So, you're saying that you have to stay here, and we can't hurt you or kick you out, because otherwise it would basically be crossing my own timeline?" asked The Doctor cautiously. "Yes." "I always wondered why I couldn't find you then," he muttered to himself. "So, we can't give him any advice for later in his life?" asked Jack hopefully. The Doctor looked at him pityingly. "No, sorry _Harry._" Jack got the message and shut up. The Master turned to Jack, studying him carefully. Then frowned. "Dammit Doctor, I was just going to _look_ at his mind!" "Well, I didn't let you. For the sake of not crossing _your _own timeline, don't look to closely at my friends. That's all I'm going to say." The Master nodded, looking thoughtful. "Duly noted." The Doctor and The Master then stood up, bowed to each other, then The Master left the Room of Requirement. Martha and Jack were silent, then: _"What just happened?"_

The Doctor sighed. "We-ell, this is a younger regeneration of The Master-one that a younger me is chasing. He then came across the book _we _bibliocrisised into and, not knowing about that, bibliocrisised to escape me. We can't do anything about him being here-can you imagine what it would do to our timelines? So," he concluded, "We basically have a truce right now. We leave him alone, he leaves us alone-not because he likes us, but because otherwise it would mess up our futures and pasts." "So, we HAVE to leave him alone, and he HAS to leave us alone?" asked Martha. "Yep!" said The Doctor brightly. Martha and Jack gave sighs of relief. "All of us will get out of here and go our separate ways once the book is over. Speaking of which, do you guys want to see Fluffy on Halloween, or talk to a troll?" Jack facepalmed. "How about no interacting with giant man-eating creatures?" "That's just boring!"

**Okay, I know it would be awesome if The Master and The Doctor dueled in the Harry Potter universe, but I just can't make it work. I still have no idea what I'm doing.**

**:D All you people who review. I love you all.**


	10. Chapter 9: Hallowe'en

**Yeah, nothing belongs to me.**

**Sorry about the inconsistencies between chapters!**

It was Hallowe'en. The Doctor, Jack and Martha had all woken up to the smell of pumpkins, and were all in good cheer, if slightly anticipatory, as they went downstairs for breakfast. "So, remember the plan?" The Doctor whispered to Martha and Jack as they glared daggers at The Master. "Yes," they said together. "Great! Now stop staring. We can't do anything." Martha and Jack sighed, and grudgingly subsided. Martha then looked around and started to giggle. "We're in Hogwarts. On Hallowe'en!" Jack and The Doctor laughed too. "It is very odd, isn't it?" The three, now relaxed, chatted about Transfigurations and Professor Kitty. Then they went to classes.

During Charms, Professor Flitwick was teaching them the Levitation Charm. Jack sighed when The Doctor glared at him, and went to work practicing the charm with Neville. Neville, as usual, was thoroughly incompetent. However, Jack thought he got it right, so…whatever.

During dinner, none of them could eat anything, they were so excited. Sure enough, Quirrell burst in screaming about a troll in the dungeons… then fainted. "He's not actually unconscious," muttered The Doctor to his friends, "So, give me a second… There." Martha facepalmed as they ran upstairs. "You didn't have to _knock a teacher unconscious, _Doctor!" He shrugged. "Technically…" "Just shut it."

They could hear the troll grunting as it smashed around the bathroom. "Oi!" yelled The Doctor as he came in sight of it. He then proceeded to have what Jack and Martha hoped was a conversation with the thing-there was too much snarling and growling to tell. They knew from experience, however, what The Doctor's face paling drastically meant, and could guess what _that _roar translated to. "What happened?" squeaked Martha as the troll loomed menacingly over them. "I might have insulted it's mother, sort of?" "DOCTOR!" "What? My Troll's a bit rusty, and it's a simple language!" At this point they were dodging the troll's heavy club. Jack groaned, gritted his teeth, then aimed his wand at the troll's club and said: "Wingardium Leviosa!"

…Nothing happened. The Doctor looked at Jack disbelievingly. "Seriously? Your pronunciation was awful!" Sighing in disappointment, he waved his wand, and with a bit of non-verbal magic, the troll was asleep and crashed to the ground. "No fair!" whined Jack. The Doctor glared. "I'm so sorry, would you like me to revive it?" Jack shut up, but was still pouting. "Wait," said Martha, confused, "…What did you just do?" "We-ell, Jack was being an idiot (but thankfully not flirting), so I basically put a sleeping spell on him. Oh," he turned to the unconscious troll, "I should probably make it look more… violent-y." With another flick of his wand, the troll looked like it had been knocked out (complete with club by it's head with a dent).

The Doctor then looked seriously at his friends. "Now, either we stay here and get caught by the teachers the way it's supposed to go, or we make a run for it. Any preferences?" Jack grinned. "How about a compromise? They see us, then we run." "NO," said Martha. "We are NOT doing that. Let's just run now-we really don't need any more problems-and do you really want to take chances with The Master around?" Jack and The Doctor shuddered. "Didn't think so. Now let's run!" They ran.

The Doctor lead them through several strange hallways until they got to the Gryffindor common room. "Oh, and guys?" The Doctor asked before they went through the portrait. _"We didn't do a thing. Got it?" _Martha and Jack nodded. The Doctor grinned. "Fantastic! Now, happy Hallowe'en!" He then pushed them through the portrait, into the cheesily decorated common room. Martha and Jack groaned when they saw the decorations. "Please don't tell me you did this, Doctor?" sighed Jack. "Oh, come on! Have a little fun!"

**Yeah, I imagine Troll being difficult to articulate. Please review!**


	11. Chapter 10: A Typical Day

**Disclaimer: Seriously, guys, I don't own anything! Nada! Nichts! Rien!**

**THANK YOU EVERYBODY WHO REVIEWED! I appreciate all feedback.**

**Sorry for weirdly-sized chapters. It's what works.**

It was November. Jack, Martha and The Doctor all knew how oddly time could go by, but it seemed to pass rather quickly in Hogwarts. "I swear, it's like the TARDIS on a really bad day!" grumbled Martha as she went down a stairwell. "Remember the not-there step," called The Doctor, nimbly leaping over said step. _"How do you keep all this straight in your head?!" _exclaimed Jack. The Doctor glanced at him amusedly. "Do you really want me to answer that?" "Not really." "Good, you'll stay sane longer-now c'mon, we're gonna be late to Transfigurations! I don't want Professor Kitty mad at us!" Jack and Martha burst into giggles at the mention of 'Professor Kitty'. "Really, Doctor," chided Martha, "You've _got_ to stop doing that! You don't know if Snape will read your mind and tell her that's what you call her!" The Doctor grinned good-naturedly. "No one can read my mind if I don't want them to, Jack. Besides, he'd probably just laugh over it!" Martha stopped suddenly. "…Okay, I just had a thought. If McGonagall's Professor Kitty, what's Snape?" Jack smirked. "Professor Bat, definitely. But what about Flitwick?" "Ooh! I know!" squealed Martha. "What?" "Professor Mushroom!" _"What?!" _yelped the boys. The Doctor thought it over. "We-ell, as long as we're not limiting ourselves to fauna, it _is _rather accurate." "That leaves Professor Sprout," said Jack thoughtfully. "…A loon?" suggested Martha. "Nah, how 'bout a hedgehog?" said The Doctor. "Nah…" They all thought. Then: "PROFESSOR PUPPY!" they yelled together. "Brilliant!" cried The Doctor. "It fits perfectly." said Jack.

When they finally got to Transfigurations, Professor McGonagall took off ten points for tardiness each, they were so late. She then continued her explanation. "Now, class, today we will be reviewing our snail-to-teapot spell, since an unreasonable number of you seem to have trouble with it. Make sure you get the wand movement right." Martha ended up with The Doctor this time, who cooed to the snail a little, and spoke with it. She sighed and watched, amused. "You going to ever, I don't know, TRANSFIGURE that thing?" The Doctor frowned at her and tapped the snail once. It turned into a teapot in the style of one Martha vaguely remembered seeing once on Raxacoricofallapatorius. She only vaguely remembered it because at the time, it was being thrown at The Doctor's head by a very angry Slitheen. Jack looked over. "Isn't that a…" "Yep!" Jack looked at Martha in disbelief, then snorted with laughter.

Professor Snape seemed to be in a particularly bad mood that day. It was replaced with curiosity somewhat when The Doctor made a perfect Forgetfulness Potion (an advanced potion for first years). Then The Doctor added a banana and lion fish spines to his cauldron. Snape closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked over.

"Weasley," he said, perfectly calmly. _"Why? _Why did you feel the need to add the wrong ingredients to an acceptable potion?" The Doctor looked brightly up at him. "We-ell, sir, I was curious as to what would happen if I added lion fish spines, which are used for healing potions, to a forgetfulness potion. Would it heal wounds they forgot the cause of? Or maybe it would 'heal' the persons' memory?" Professor Snape sighed. "….Commendable… enthusiasm, but not appropriate for a classroom. But why on Earth would you add a _banana?" _"I like bananas. Bananas are good. Do you want a banana, sir?" Snape covered his face with his hand, breathing through his nose. "…Ten points from Gryffindor for utter idiocy. You and your little _friends, _who I'm sure had a part in this, will meet me after class for a detention." He seemed slightly surprised when none of them objected. "…Does that mean I can keep my potion?" asked The Doctor. Professor Snape just looked at him for a second, then waved his wand. A vial appeared in his hand, and he took a sample from the cauldron. He waved his wand again and the potion in the cauldron disappeared. "Start over. No messing about, or you will be sorry." He then turned to Jack. "Mister Potter, who I am sure is the cause of this, come up to the front of the class." With no small amount of trepidation, Jack followed Snape. Meanwhile, Martha was whispering to The Doctor. "Really?" "Naw. I based it off an elixir I had on Poosh once. Makes you forget all your pain for a little bit. The bananas really were for flavor, though."

At the front of the room, Snape spoke. "Class, pay attention. This is what happens when you add the wrong ingredients to a Forgetfulness Potion." He then handed the vial to Jack. "Drink." Jack drank the potion. "Tastes like bananas." he said thoughtfully. Snape asked, "What is your name?" "Harry Potter." "What did you just drink?" "A Forgetfulness Potion with stuff added." Snape sneered. "As you can see, class, adding extra ingredients can make a potion's original purpose moot." Jack then 'accidentally' tripped and fell onto the table, breaking glass and getting scraped on said glass. "Stupid boy!" roared Snape, who smacked him. Hard. "…Professor?" asked Jack with genuine wonder. "None of that hurt at all." Snape looked at him blankly. Then: "Remember. Detention. The fact that you didn't _die _is no excuse for experimenting with your potion ingredients."

Snape had no idea why Jack couldn't seem to stop laughing after that statement.

**Yeah, The Doctor is way better at potions than Snape.**


	12. Chapter 11: Detention

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. *sighs***

**ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO REVIEW. THANK YOU.**

"Detention with Professor Bat!" groaned Jack. "Doctor, couldn't you have stayed out of trouble for once?" "I didn't think he'd take it that badly!" The three students were walking down the stairs to the dungeons, where their detention was to take place. "Also, just be grateful it's not with The Master. Or Cybermen. I once was put in a holding cell by some Cybermen. They have no sense of humor! Wouldn't sing along with me. Terribly rude, too-didn't accept any jelly babies." Martha facepalmed. "Doctor, _please _tell me you didn't offer Cybermen _jelly babies!" _"Why not? I offered a lot of people jelly babies back then." _"They're metal!" _"Shut up, guys, we're here at the dungeons!" Jack and Martha stepped through first, followed by The Doctor, who grinned cheerily at Snape, sitting at his desk with several vials of potion. "'Ello, here for a detention?" "Ah, yes." said Snape coldly, standing. "For detention, you will be categorizing the new supply of potions ingredients that came in yesterday. Don't forget to throw the unusable ones away. And no using magic." He smirked as Martha and Jack groaned in unison. The Doctor, however, didn't seem dismayed. Snape then went back to his desk and continued to grade the potions. "Okay, how are we going to do this in a reasonable amount of time?" muttered Jack. A fair question, as the box was _huge. _"I can't tell the different things apart!" wailed Martha. The Doctor smiled and winked. "I'll sort, you guys put them away into the cupboard." he whispered. "You sure you can do that by yourself?" asked Martha incredulously. The Doctor tapped his nose. "Humans have remarkably inept senses, wouldn't you say?" Without further ado, he opened the box full of ingredients (some of them still moving). He then proceeded to sniff an unidentifiable blob.

"Crocodile heart." He handed it to Jack, who walked over to the cupboard. He then pulled out another blob, this one slightly more yellow, and sniffed. "Spleen… cat? No, rat? Bat?" He then _licked _the spleen. "Bleah. Definitely rat." He handed this to a slightly disgusted Martha, who went over to the cupboard, where Jack was still hunting. "Where do the crocodile hearts go?" he muttered. Martha hastily deposited her rat spleen in the appropriate place and pointed to a high-up shelf. "Ah, thanks-he licked it, didn't he?" he sighed, seeing her expression. She grimaced and nodded. By the time they got back to The Doctor, he had a small pile of bones next to him, a slightly larger pile of what looked like seaweed, and was licking a very squishy blob. "Bones, gillyweed, and this one's a frog brain." he said, seeing them come over. He handed the frog brain to Jack, and Martha picked up the gillyweed. "It's slimy." muttered Martha. "You're one to talk." said a vaguely repulsed Jack.

The rest of the detention went in like fashion. The Doctor would sniff and occasionally lick different ingredients, put them into piles, and tell Jack and Martha what the piles had in them. He would pocket any rotten ingredients, as Martha found. _"Doctor!" _she hissed. "There's no such thing as a useless ingredient. Besides, extradimensional pockets!" By the end of merely an hour, The Doctor had sniffed, licked, and filched his way through the entire box. "Yesss!" they cheered, high-fiving and forgetting to be quiet. Snape looked over at them. "Done already… or did you fools think to lump everything together in the cupboard? Trying to be _clever?" _he practically snarled as he stalked over to the cupboard. He raised an eyebrow. "…Finished after all." He turned to the three students. "Headmaster Dumbledore wishes to see all of you in his office. Go immediately." He then walked back to his desk.

Outside of the dungeons, The Doctor frowned and stuck out his tongue. "My mouth tastes of preserving fluid and animal guts!" he wailed unhappily. Martha snorted. "Are you sure that was _safe? _Isn't most of that stuff poisonous?" The Doctor thought about this for a minute. "Well, yes, but only to you lot. I'm not human; very little short of actual on-purpose poison can hurt me, and even then not always." Accepting this answer, Martha and Jack continued on. "Wait!" cried The Doctor. They turned around. "Can you give me a second to wash this taste out of my mouth?" They nodded, and he rushed into the nearby bathroom. They heard a muffled "Aguamenti!", and Jack snorted. "Maybe he shouldn't have _licked _the dead things if they taste so bad!" Martha and Jack were still giggling when The Doctor, mostly covered in water, came out of the bathroom. "Bleah," he said, then saw them. "Are you guys laughing at me?"

They eventually came to the gargoyle statue. "…Crap! We don't know the password!" cried Jack. The Doctor walked up to the statue, and spoke words in a really weird language full of snarls. The gargoyle came alive and answered in a similar fashion. After a little while, it jumped aside. "Aren't these guys all so nice?" called The Doctor as he started up the stairs. "No one trying to kill me… They all actually listen… I know some guys who could take lessons from them!" They soon stood outside a door. "Remember, stay in character!" said The Doctor in a low voice. They all nodded, then entered.

Jack hadn't gotten a good look at the headmaster's study earlier. He noticed much more now. It was cozy, in a way. There were odd looking trinkets sitting around (which nobody in the group was a stranger to) as well as a cozy fire and some squishy chairs. Dumbledore was nowhere in sight, oddly. The Doctor was immediately drawn to an odd instrument on a stool. "Hello, you don't belong on Earth." he murmured, eyes shining. A soft, melodious note drew everyone's attention to a magnificent phoenix, resting on a perch. The Doctor nodded at it, putting down the instrument. "Yes, and so am I." A whistle. "It doesn't exist anymore. It never existed now…" he looked sad, and the bird cawed gently, soothingly. "Yes…Th-thank you, that really means a lot to me…" He was almost crying now, and the bird sang a glorious song. He looked up at it with wide eyes. "That-but-that's…" The phoenix continued to sing, and The Doctor closed his eyes and at some point sang along, with beautiful words in a lost language. Martha and Jack stayed hushed, awed. When The Doctor opened his eyes, he looked genuinely happy-the happiest Jack had seen him since… since _Rose. _The Doctor smiled. "Thank you, Fawkes. I will always remember."

He just then seemed to remember that Martha and Jack were there, and blushed. Fawkes whistled, amusedly. The Doctor looked at him and grinned. He then turned to Jack. "I quote: 'If your friend attempts to flirt with me, I will burn him to death twice and then peck his eyes out.'" Jack grinned and winked. "Can't blame a guy for trying!" Fawkes whistled again, then _caw_ed. The Doctor looked confused. "Wall? Portraits? Wait, what?" He then turned and looked at the opposite wall, where portraits hung.

A man with curly black hair and a scarf so long it trailed into another frame was looking back, and smiled.

**Weird stuff happening! Yay!**

**If you have ideas for scenarios, etc., of any kind, put it in a review or PM. I'll really try to make it work.**


	13. Chapter 12: Oh Crud!

**I don't own anything but my own mind.**

**Yes, this is the Fourth Doctor. I have recently started watching the original Doctor Who, and have fallen in love with the awesomeness. :D Oh, and sorry if this sucks. I'm not quite certain what to do with this story, so I'm doing the best I can.**

"Ooh, this is brilliant!" cried The Doctor. The portrait smiled. "Isn't it? I'm you, from what I gather, but the you that's supposed to be in this universe." The Doctor looked confused. "But this is fiction?" "My dear Doctor, you're fiction in one universe or another. We're all fiction, and we're all real." "But why were you headmaster?" The Doctor in the portrait sighed. "The Merpeople in the lake? Originally they were Saturnyns, I became headmaster when a ship fell into the lake, we had a talk, it was complicated… they live peacefully now, so long as they get jelly babies." "So is it just me, or do people actually listen a lot more in this universe?" The Doctor in the portrait snorted. "You haven't met the centaurs yet, then." Just then, the door creaked open. Headmaster Dumbledore walked in, and raised his eyebrows. "Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I am glad you came." The three friends composed themselves, and sat down when Dumbledore gestured for them to. "I must admit I am curious… how did you get in without the password?" "I asked nicely." replied The Doctor quietly, and Jack had to hide his grin behind his hand. Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. "I see…" He studied Jack for a while in silence. Then he frowned briefly, and studied Martha, who was starting to fidget. He then raised an eyebrow and looked at The Doctor. They were all quiet for a while as The Doctor and Dumbledore stared at each other for a while without blinking. Martha and Jack held their breath, and The Doctor in the portrait looked worried.

Suddenly Dumbledore stood up and whipped out his wand. "Ostendat formam!" he boomed. A silver light burst out of his wand and surrounded the three children…

Jack and Martha and The Doctor could feel themselves growing, their limbs stretching, their faces changing shape…

They were suddenly released by… _whatever _that light was. Martha looked at herself, and saw that she was herself again. She looked at The Doctor and Jack, and they were The Doctor and Jack. Jack then said what all three of them were thinking. "Crap." Dumbledore looked furious. "Who are you? What have you done with the children? _Bartemus Crouch, why aren't you dead?"_

The Doctor sighed. "First off, I'm not Barty, so lower your wand please. It's like a gun, and I don't like guns. No, really!" he added on seeing Dumbledore's face. "I'm not Crouch… Oh here, let me show you." He walked over to Dumbledore still with his hands up. Dumbledore backed up slightly, wand still raised. The Doctor sighed. "Look… I'm going to show you my memories now. The only reason I was hiding them from you before is because I didn't want something like this to happen. Cross my hearts, I won't hurt you. Just relax…" he put his fingers onto Dumbledore's temples.

Then The Doctor headbutted Headmaster Dumbledore. Martha, Jack, and all the portraits flinched. "…Couldn't you use Contact?" sighed The Doctor's portrait. "Only works on other Time Lords," groaned The Doctor as he rubbed his head. Dumbledore was doing much the same. Then he looked up. "You're a Time Lord." "Yep!" "From the planet Gallifrey!" "Yep!" "…_My phoenix knows about you and never told me!" _Fawkes whistled. Dumbledore sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "…What will happen after you leave?" "Harry, Ron and Hermione will go back to their bodies and will think that they did all of these things." Martha risked a question. "Uh, Doctor? Why did you headbutt Dumbledore?" The Doctor smiled. "Sharing memories! I really should figure out a better way to do that… Anyways, you lot," he said, turning to the portraits, _"Not a word. _Got it?" The portraits hesitantly agreed, and The Doctor's portrait smiled. "Don't worry, I'll keep them in line." "Brilliant!" Just then, Jack sighed. "Doctor?" "Yes?" _"We can't run around looking like ourselves!" _The Doctor frowned. "…Right, that's a bit of a problem, isn't it? Hmmm… Well, I do believe we'll look like not-ourselves in about an hour… Not that I've had experience with this sort of thing, but bibliocriseses are generally fail-proof." Jack groaned. "You mean we're stuck in here for an _hour? _What if Professor Ba-Snape comes by, or McGonagall?" "Easy." Dumbledore now spoke up. He walked over to Martha, and tapped his wand on top of her head. She then proceeded to disappear. "Feels weird!" A disembodied voice squealed in Martha's tone of voice. "Hey! I'm invisible!" _"Disillusionment charm!" _The Doctor gasped. "Dumbledore, you're _brilliant!"_ Dumbledore smiled, then proceeded to tap Jack, then The Doctor. "Cool, we're invisible." Jack giggled. "Right," Dumbledore said, looking serious. "You three will have to stay here, and _stay quiet. _Minerva may be coming around for tea in a little while; until the hour's over, just stay here. You may do your homework if you have any," he added. Something then proceeded to bump against a stool holding a delicate-looking instrument. Dumbledore winced. "Sorry!" The Doctor's voice called. "Blimey, being invisible really does a number on your coordination!" Martha and Jack giggled. "Only you, Doctor," sighed Martha. "Humph." _"Would you please stay quiet? _I, unfortunately, need to do _paperwork. _The Ministry expects me to perform miracles regarding the extracurricular budget, and I need to fill out charter forms." "Sorry," the three voices chorused. Dumbledore sighed, rubbing his temples. _What a day, _he thought. _What a terribly confusing day._

**I know, that could have gone better. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE DUMBLEDORE. *facedesks* Oh well. Please review!**


	14. Chapter 13: Just a Boggart

**Disclaimer: I still do not own anything. It all belongs to other, smarter people.**

**SO SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING! Life got in the way… :P I'll go back to a quasi-regular schedule now, kay?**

**Thank you. All you people who reviewed. It gives me confidence! *strikes pose***

The Doctor, Jack, and Martha were invisible. They sat, huddled, in a corner of the headmaster's study, knowing if anyone saw them in their current forms they would probably be taken away, and The Doctor would be taken to Azkaban for looking like Bartemus Crouch.

All three of them were incredibly bored.

"Ninety-nine bottles of Tkarr on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of Tkarr..." The Doctor started singing under his breath. "Take one down, throw it around, ninety-eight bottles of Tkarr on the wall!" Jack joined in, softly. "What's Tkarr?" asked Martha. "Best drink in the Andromeda galaxy!" Jack said brightly. "Can you be quiet _please?" _asked Dumbledore tiredly. "No" said the three in unison. "Ninety-eight bottles of Tkarr on the wall, ninety-eight bottles of Tkarr…"

Dumbledore facedesked.

Finally, _finally _they felt themselves shrinking. They had gotten down to 32 bottles, and Dumbledore felt ready to kill them. "Whoah! I think we're kids again, Dumbledore sir!" Jack said in a now-much-higher voice. Dumbledore could hardly hide his sigh of relief. FINALLY! "You may leave now." he said, rather calmly. He waved his arm, and suddenly the three were visible again-yep, back to being kids. "Thanks!" The Doctor called cheerfully as they walked out. Dumbledore sighed.

They were chattering excitedly on the way back. "Hey, what should we do now?" asked Jack. "Homework, of course!" Martha answered immediately. The Doctor grinned. "We-ell, I was thinking, maybe we could check out this hallway I found! It only appears on Fridays, and I was going to explore it today, then got a detention, then…" "We get it, Doctor." Martha hastily interrupted. " Lead the way!" The Doctor grinned and sped off. "Allons-y, then!"

Martha and Jack puffing and huffing by the time The Doctor stopped. "Don't… you ever… get tired?" Martha gasped, hands on her knees. "Do you want me to answer that?" Jack waved a hand. "Just… where are we?" The Doctor licked a finger and put it in the air. "Hmm… We're somewhere in-between the fourth and fifth floors. And in the eastern part of the castle." By this time, the two companions had recovered their breath. "What's behind that door?" asked Martha. The Doctor grinned. "We-ell, I waited until I brought you guys to open it!" Jack shrugged, aimed his wand at the door, and said "Alohoroma." The door clicked open. "Huh, cool, I'm getting the hang of it!" They all went inside the room. "A wardrobe…" The Doctor said thoughtfully. "Does it lead to Narnia?" Martha squealed. Jack laughed, but The Doctor was frowning. "There's something in there…" He walked slowly, his hand raised, towards the wardrobe.

BANG! The doors flew open, and Rose ran out of the wardrobe. The Doctor's eyes widened. _"Rose…" _"Doctor! It's right behind me!" Rose cried. Just then, a Dalek appeared. "EXTERMINATE!" A beam of light shot out, hitting Rose. "NO!" The Doctor's voice was filled with anguish. He caught Rose's body as it slumped. "Doctor! It's a boggart!" yelled Jack. _"Doctor, it's not real! Think of something funny!" _But The Doctor didn't hear. He faced the Dalek-boggart with the Oncoming Storm in his eyes. "You…" He stepped closer. Before he did anything else, though, Jack tackled him to the side. Now Jack was in front of the Dalek, arms flung wide. The Dalek and Rose shimmered, then with a _Crack _turned into The Master, a cruel sneer on his face, holding a knife. Jack, who had been preparing to cast Riddikulus, turned white. He opened his mouth, and nothing came out. The Doctor was just now getting over himself, and was staring at the boggart with wide eyes. "It's…" _"SNAP OUT OF IT!" _Martha shrieked and stepped in front of Jack. _Crack! _The Master vanished, and a stone angel with it's hands over it's eyes stood in front of Martha.

**O SNAP! Angel time!**

**Hey, guys, just a few notes:**

**1) This thing is never beta-ed or anything like that, so it probably has mistakes. I've never pointed that out before, which is why I'm pointing it out now.**

**2) Is the direction this story is taking a bad idea?**

**3) MOST IMPORTANT: An awesome person named Little Oswin Oswald has created a story named A madman meets a freak and it's kinda sorta based off of this one… It's cool so far. You should read it.**

**HUGS FOR EVERYBODY! AND IF YOU REVIEW, YOU GET A JELLY BABY!**


	15. Chapter 14: Angel

**Disclaimer: The **_**Fabulousss **_**J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, and the BBC owns Doctor Who. I… own nothing. :P**

**I took an evil joy in watching you guys freak out in last chapter's reviews. It's Angel Time now, guys. Watch out!**

Martha gasped as she stared at the angel, unblinking. Then, very firmly, she raised her wand and said, "Riddikulus!" Nothing happened. "Martha," she heard The Doctor saying, "Don't. Blink." "But-but-Doctor, it's just a boggart!" "Image of an angel becomes an angel," The Doctor said grimly. "…Alright. I'm looking at it now. You can blink, but then keep staring." Martha blinked, and sure enough, the angel was in the same place. Martha could feel Jack's hands on her shoulder. "Back up," he said. She backed up, trembling, and Jack steered her so she didn't bump into anything. "Alright, now we're all staring at it." Jack called to The Doctor. "Ok," he replied calmly, "We're going to keep staring at this angel. We're going to figure out what to do. If you need to blink, say something. Make sure we all know." "Got it," Martha and Jack chorused.

"All right, so how do we deal with it?"

"Doctor, I'm sorry, we _have _to destroy it."

"But Jack-"

"Doctor! Think of all the children here. Remember, this thing is a murderer!"

"…All right. How do we _destroy _this angel?"

"We're wizards, right?"

"…Yes."

"Can't we smash it to bits with magic?"

"…Martha, you're a _genius._"

"Thanks. I have to blink now."

"Go ahead, we're watching it."

Martha blinked. The angel was in the same spot. "Ok," she said. She took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm going to try and smash it." She raised her wand. _"Frange!" _A beam of blue light burst from her wand, and hit the statue. It bounced off. "…Crap." "How did you know that spell?" asked Jack curiously. "I know Latin; I went from there." "…I've got an idea." The Doctor finally spoke. "Blink if you two have too, then step back. Martha and Jack did so. The Doctor took a deep breath. _"Explodere!" _The beam of red light hit the angel, and was absorbed. The Doctor swore in a language that definitely wasn't English. "Doctor, what did you do?!" "I… may have given it more power." Martha had something in her eye, she _had _to blink. Jack and The Doctor were still watching, right?

She blinked.

The angel now stood with it's hands away from it's face, staring with sightless eyes, a sneer on it's stone face. One hand was outstretched, the finger pointed towards the chandelier in the ceiling. "CRAP!" "Martha, you blinked!" "Thanks, Jack, I figured that out!" "GUYS! THE CANDLES!" Everyone looked upwards just enough to see the candles guttering. They all swore in unison. They looked back at the angel, it's sneer now looking triumphant. "Ok, guys." The Doctor's voice was deathly quiet. "The door is open. On the count of three, _run. _Got it? One… Two… _Three."_

They all tore out of the room, glancing back as often as they could. They saw the angel coming after them, it's face twisted into a grotesque expression, sharp fangs bared, closer than it ought to be each time. Closer and closer, an invisible hunter… They ran faster. They had just gone around a bend in the hallway when The Doctor turned around. _"LUMOS!" _Light filled the hallway they were running down, and the angel was frozen, it's face snarling horribly. "Guys. _Keep looking at it." _They both were. The Doctor took a deep breath. "Both of you, walk backwards fifteen paces. They did. "Doctor…?" Martha asked cautiously when they were finished. The Doctor sighed. "As long as it's stone, it can't be killed…" Martha and Jack gasped. "Doctor, you can't!" "I have to." "It'll get you!" They were pleading with him. "Jack. Martha." He was stern. "Close your eyes." Martha bit her lip, but obeyed. The Doctor took a deep breath. _"Maximus Dirumpo!"_

The Doctor blinked.

BOOM!

The castle shook to it's foundations with the explosion. Bits of stone showered the three. Slowly, timidly, Jack and Martha opened their eyes. The angel was gone, but The Doctor lay on his back. The front of his body was black with soot. "DOCTOR!" Martha and Jack yelled and ran over to him. Jack suddenly stopped, and stuck a hand out. "Wait, Martha." "What?" _"Accio Angel Fragmina!" _Bits of stone flew to his open hand. He dropped the small pile onto the ground. _"Eruo." _The bits of stone were reduced to nothing. "An angel can reform if it has energy. This way, it won't come back," he explained to Martha. "Now let's help The Doctor!" They rushed to his side. "No glowing… can he even regenerate in this… form?" Martha wondered. "I think so, but we better get him to Madame Pomfrey right away." Jack said grimly. Martha nodded and did a quick once-over. "He's safe to move." Jack and Martha proceeded to half-run while carrying The Doctor up the stairs to the Hospital Wing.

**I am so evil.**

**Jelly babies for everyone who reviewed!**


	16. Chapter 15: Poor Madame Pomfrey

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter. Or Doctor Who. Fear for your sanity if I ever do.**

**I love you all. So much. Kay, this one's from The Doctor's point of view so forgive OOC-ness!**

The Doctor woke up with a start, staring at a blank white ceiling. He was confused for approximately half of a second, then remembered everything that had happened until he was unconscious. "Is it dead? Am I in the right century?" he asked, or rather tried to. It came out as "Guuuh…?", but Martha and Jack's faces appeared in his field of vision in an instant. "D-Ron!" Martha cried. "You're alright, mate." Jack said firmly. "You're in the hospital wing; Madame Pomfrey's been looking after you." The Doctor smiled ever so slightly at this discreet assurance of the time period. And Jack and Martha appeared unharmed… that was good. Yes. But the angel… "It's all fine, Doc." Jack said in a low voice. "It's dead and not coming back." The Doctor sighed, in relief and somewhat in regret, and closed his eyes again, feeling his consciousness slip away as his body worked to repair itself.

He woke to a baffled-sounding Madame Pomfrey's voice. "I don't understand it! He was almost dead when his friends brought him here. I put him in a bed, and by the time I get you up here he's already healing! Without a potion, Severus! And now-" she broke off, frustrated. The Doctor smiled inwardly, not wanting to betray his state of consciousness. Ah, humans. Even the magic ones were so confused by anything different from what they were used to, and then undoubtably thinking up ludicrous explanations. It wasn't even 'magic', not really! Just telekinetic powers interacting with a field of particles. And lots of willpower. Briefly The Doctor wondered if aliens had already been discovered by the magical community, then discarded the idea. He then realized a voice he knew well was dryly responding to the school nurse. "… that he must not have been as injured as you thought he was, then." Professor Bat was saying dryly. "Or is it possible one of his little _friends _snuck him an illegitimate healing potion? I personally think the second one is more likely," he added. There was silence for a few moments, then The Doctor could feel Snape trying to worm his way into his mind. _Nope, _he thought grimly and brought the shields down on Snape's mental probe with a _crunch_. He could feel Snape flinch. "It seems your charge is awake." he said stiffly. The Doctor opened his eyes, making a show of waking up blearily. "Wha… where am I?" he asked sleepily. As he sat up, rubbing his eyes, he could see Madame Pomfrey and a rather grumpy-looking Snape looking at him, Snape with a glare. He discreetly checked his hands, rather relieved to see no glowing.

"Hello, Ron," Madame Pomfrey said kindly. "How are you feeling?" "Like I got hit by a Dalek," he groaned, then caught himself. "A blasting charm." It was true, though; when he stretched he could feel the soreness of his muscles and the rawness of his skin, as well as a headache. "Could I have some water?" he asked timidly. Madame Pomfrey's eyes widened. "Of course, dear, I'll have some for you in a second." She raced away, and The Doctor found himself in a staring contest with Professor Bat. He won, of course, and Snape coughed and looked away. The Doctor looked around then, wondering where Martha and Jack were. "Where… where are my friends, Professor?" he asked. Snape sneered. "Your _friends _are waiting outside in the hallway. They had insisted upon staying with you until Madame Pomfrey shooed them out." He probably said more after that but The Doctor didn't notice as he had jumped up and raced out the door. _Gotta make sure they're okay, gotta make sure they're okay _"HEY!" Jack, Martha, Fred and George had been sitting along the wall, and Jack jumped up when he yelled. "RON!" they all yelled and went in for a hug. "OOF!" The Doctor felt like his ribs might crack, and he toppled backwards from all the momentum. _Blimey, Fred and George have strong hugs! _The Doctor thought from his squished position on the ground. Then smacked himself mentally. _Duh, they're Beaters._

"Ron, we were so worried! Are you alright?" Martha was asking him. He grinned. "I'm fine, but I might not be if you all don't get off! What, are you guys made of bricks?"They all laughed, but let go of The Doctor, allowing him to pick himself up and dust himself off. "Oof… Hey, where's Percy?" Just then, the door to the Hospital Wing flew open and an angry Madame Pomfrey came out. "RON WEASLEY! GET BACK HERE!" "…And that would be our cue to run," quipped Fred. They all grinned and followed The Doctor, who had already dashed around a corner.

They hid out in the common room for the rest of the day, talking, laughing, and making jokes (Usually this last one was Fred and George, though sometimes The Doctor played a fabulous prank on all of the others). After Fred and George had retired for the night, The Doctor leaned close to Martha and Jack. "But really, guys," he asked seriously, "What happened?" Jack and Martha then recounted the story of how they had thought he was dead, worried, he really should have been less stupid, etc.. The Doctor rolled his eyes when it was done. "It worked though, didn't it?"

Martha shut up. Jack narrowed his eyes and said, "If you do anything like that again I'll hit on Professor Kitty." Martha nearly died, and The Doctor grinned and said, "I'd actually like to see that." His grin disappeared. "But NO."

**So you guys were all probably like "Blargh she finally updated again I'm gonna be mad at her" yesterday and then I was like angels and you were all like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT in the reviews and I was like ha ha**

**Sorry for being so evil. Poor Jack. Have a jelly baby, everyone! And please review. It makes me less evil. Plus, sorry if this chapter stinks… I'm bad at this.**


	17. Chapter 16: Snowball Fight!

**Okay, hi guys. Me Farore here.**

**I know I haven't been updating in a while, and I'm sorry about that. I'm so sorry. But life threw me a term paper, and so… yeah. Meh.**

**Please enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Dangnabbit.**

After the incident with the angel, life in Hogwarts for the three friends passed by in a bit of a blur. They only really stopped to notice what was going on when the snow started. It began when Jack stepped outside for 3:00 in the morning Quidditch practice. He was tired and miserable, as it had been rather cold lately. Then he stepped outside and felt something wet hit him. Then he noticed the wet stuff was white and flaky.

"Snow," he said in bemusement. Quidditch practice that morning was full of Fred and George, the Beaters, making snow-Bludgers and practicing with those. Jack was soaking and giggling by the time he went inside for breakfast.

He squished inside and sat down with a _sigh _next to Martha and The Doctor. The Doctor took one look at him, flicked his wand, and suddenly Jack felt dry. "Thanks!" he said, and meant it. The Doctor grinned. "Not a problem! Now, I must ask something in return." he said. Jack was slightly confused. "…What?" The Doctor leaned in close. "I need," he said seriously, "your _professional _opinion on how good Fred and George are in a snowball fight." Jack grinned.

The Weasley twins wouldn't know what hit them.

After class was over, Jack, Martha, and The Doctor casually strolled across the grounds, to where they saw the Weasley twins. They had enchanted snowballs to hit the back of Professor Quirrell's turban. Martha frowned. "Doctor, isn't…" "Yep!" he said brightly. The three looked at each other and then cracked up. "They're… They're… Ohmigosh they're throwing snowballs at Voldemort!" Martha gasped as she laughed. They all laughed for a bit, then The Doctor straightened up. "Right!" he said. "Time to issue a formal challenge." With no small amount of trepidation, Martha and Jack followed The Doctor, who confidently strode up to the lounging twins. "Brothers!" he said. Fred and George looked lazily at their younger brother, still smirking. "I challenge you two to a snowball fight!" They stood bolt upright. "Are you quite sure?" Fred said. The Doctor nodded solemnly. "Yes. You may choose the terms of battle; I merely request both of my friends may join." _"WHAT?" _Martha squeaked. "Who said anything abo-" Jack kicked her, effectively both shutting her up and making her kick him back. Meanwhile, the Weasleys were forming terms of war. "Yes, and remember: all other magic is game!" George was finishing saying something. "Brilliant!" The Doctor grinned and motioned his friends aside. "Alright guys, here's the plan: In one hour, in the area near the lake, the fight will commence. We have till then to build a fort and ammunition, as well as planning a strategy. We may use any magic, except that which directly affects the opposing side. Got it?" There was a silence, then: _"You hadn't said we were going to be in it!"_

The Doctor just grinned. "Right! No questions! Now, here's what I was thinking…"

At 5:28, people were crowded by the lake and the two snow forts in front of it. The forts were magnificent-on one side was a sturdy wall that curved up, back, and around the people behind it, and on the other was another wall. This one, though, had several curves and even zig-zags in it, as well as strange circular markings on some areas. None of the observers were going into the actual war zone, of course, but several were taking bets on who would win. Almost everyone was going for the Weasley twins. At 5:30, from behind both of the forts a red-headed person emerged. They shook hands, then turned and went back behind their forts. Then, all of hell seemed to break loose.

Snowballs were being flung from either side of the battlefield. The Weasley's multiplied in midair and seemed to zone in on a target, while those from Harry's gang's side seemed to explode once they reached the opposing fort. Some of the ones that actually hit the fort were filled with a green goo nobody had ever seen before. Whatever it was, it seemed to eat through the snow in the twin's fort. Everyone was terribly excited, and some began to cheer for one side or the other.

On The Doctor's side, as soon as he returned behind the fort, Martha and Jack flung the snowballs they were each holding up and towards the other fort. When The Doctor shouted a word in Gallifreyan, they exploded in midair. But the twins had released their snowballs, too. They zoomed towards the other fort, but many got caught in the intricacies of their wall. The Doctor grinned. "See? I told you! Always works!" "Great, Doctor," yelled Martha, "But what about the multiplying ones?" The Doctor looked up, and cursed in a language that definitely wasn't English. "Here, leave it to me!" Jack stood up, and began firing off blasting spell after blasting spell at the snowballs. He was a pretty good shot, and hit most of them. They all cheered. "Alright!" yelled The Doctor. "Charm the special ones to fly towards the other side!" "Wait, which ones are which?" Jack muttered. The Doctor sighed. "The ones with the writing on them, silly!" Jack grinned.

The crowd gasped as the twin's fort collapsed. Two Weasleys came running out of it, and still holding snowballs, lobbed them at the other fort. These snowballs repeatedly bounced off of the other fort until finally punching straight through it, causing it to collapse. "HEY!" Ron Weasley shouted. He then ran out of the pile of snow, scooping up snow as he went and flinging it at his brothers. The three then proceeded to have a savage hit-or-miss snowball fight, dodging and running, till Hermione and Harry popped out of the snow and hurled snowballs at the twin's unsuspecting backs.

"We surrender!" The twins cried after an attack on both sides, leaving them helpless.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, and the crowd all cheered.

**Yaaaay snowball fight! I don't think that green stuff was earthly :D**

**Comments? Ideas? Ire at lack of updating? Please review!**


	18. Chapter 17: Home For the Holidays

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sadly, I really don't.**

**THANK YOU PEOPLE WHO REVIEW THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO TAKE TIME TO ACTUALLY REVIEW THANK YOU**

**Yay! I will now update once every two days, officially. And sorry for inconsistent chapter size!**

**This is a sad chapter. Prepare yourself!**

None of the three friends were going home for the Christmas holidays. "Mostly," The Doctor remarked, "because they're not our homes anyways! I mean, imagine if I went to the Weasley's! Blimey." They all shared a chuckle at this mental image. Then Martha sobered up. "Doctor," she started tentatively. Jack realized what she was going to ask and discreetly tried to signal her to shut up, but she didn't notice. "D'you… do you have a home? I mean, a _real_ one? Y'know, you talked about Gallifrey once..."

The Doctor stopped laughing, just _froze_, and in that moment Martha saw The Doctor's eyes, not Ron's. Old, impossibly old, and regretful. She stopped talking, but the damage was done. He looked like he was going to say something, but seemed to choke on his words. "No." he said shortly, then dashed away. Martha, startled, was going to follow him, but Jack put his hand on her shoulder. When she looked, she saw him, with an expression on his face almost as sad as The Doctor's. "No." he said softly. "He needs to sort himself out." Martha looked like she was going to cry. "What-what did I do wrong? I was just asking…" Jack shook his head.

"The Doctor, has he ever told you about the Time War?" Martha shook her head _No, _and Jack sat her down then and there and explained it to her. The Daleks. The Time Lords. The terrible, terrible war that echoed through all of creation. Martha realized what demons she had awoken, and was horrified at her own thoughtlessness. "We-I-I have to go find him and apologize! I didn't mean to-" "No, Martha! He's… he needs to figure himself out right now. Trust me. Just… make sure not to say things like that again, okay?" "Of _course _not! I, I don't know what came over me…" Martha wept, and Jack's eyes were wet as he hugged her. _Oh, Doctor, _they both wondered, _will you ever be alright?_

Since it was the holidays, and there weren't any classes, they didn't see The Doctor the next day at all. They figured he needed some alone time, and kept an eye out for him, but mostly just spent the day playing Wizard's Chess, subdued. "This is hard…" Commented Martha as her pawn got wrestled to the ground and trampled by a mounted knight. "Yeah." They still didn't see him for the rest of the day, and were beginning to worry by the morning after. "Let's look for him." Jack said as soon as he saw her. "Yeah, lets," she said, relieved she could do something to take her mind off the icky feeling of guilt.

They started doing a thorough search of the school, beginning with the out-of-the-way hallways The Doctor loved exploring. They looked all through the castle, but didn't find him, not even in the library. So they went outside, and spent the cold, snowy day trudging around the lake. Martha wanted to go into the Forbidden Forest. "No." said Jack. "But he's sure to be there! It's his sort of place!" "Martha, we're losing light. D'you want to be in the Forbidden Forest after dark?" She shuddered. "Didn't think so. Now, let's go inside. We can check the castle again after dinner." So they went back inside. The Doctor wasn't at the Great Hall for dinner, either. They sighed together, worried. "I know!" Martha said with a mouthful of potatoes. "Let's ask the teachers!" "Brilliant!" Jack whispered. "After dinner, let's ask Professor Kitty. But we can't just go up and ask the whole table-Bat and The Master are there!" Martha nodded, grimacing. So, after dinner was over, they discreetly followed Professor McGonagall upstairs, pretending to run to catch up to her when she was far enough away from the Great Hall. "Excuse me, Professor?" Martha said in her most innocent voice, and McGonagall turned to them. "Have you seen Ron? We haven't seen him around lately." She thought. "Weasley, hmmm… No, I haven't seen him lately either. Don't worry, though," she added kindly, "I'm certain he'll show up before too long." Frustrated, the two muttered a quick 'thanks' before running to the common room to start looking again.

Professor Yana was rather distant at dinner, everyone noticed. Severus had stopped trying to read his mind after the first time he tried, which he ended up _really _regretting. He still wouldn't look Yana in the eye. He noticed the two _companions_ of The Doctor quietly talking with concerned faces. _Well, now they worry about him, _he thought with a snort. Honestly, humans could really be so thoughtlessly cruel sometimes. It was another reason to add to the list of why he hated them-completely insensitive. The girl had hurt The Doctor, his dear friend, deeply, and he would _not _forgive that. After dinner, in which he had not said a word, he quietly rose and left, noting the two idiots following McGonagall and trying not to be obvious about it. He did not follow them, instead going upstairs to the Astronomy tower. When there, he went up onto the roof and sat beside the lone figure huddled near the edge.

"They're just idiots, Theta. Idiots who don't know what they're talking about." he said comfortingly. "But, Koschei… they're right. I have no home." The Doctor whispered. "I killed them all… Koschei, it was me!" The great Oncoming Storm put his head into his friend's chest and weeped as the sadistic madman rocked him and comforted him. "Shhhh, it wasn't your fault…" The Master sung a Gallifreyan lullaby to his dear friend, rocking him to sleep. The Master, the madman who heard the war drums, had tears in his eyes as he contemplated the fate of his people, and that of his friend. After he could feel The Doctor relax his tense, trembling body and sleep, he gently carried him into his room and lay him on his bed. The couch would be sufficient; The Doctor needed the rest far more than he.

**Okay, that was sad. Incredibly so.**

**Just a few things: First, I know this is incredibly OOC for The Master, madman, sadist, etc. But, he did use to be The Doctor's friend. And he cares about the fate of his people, if only for his friend's sake.**

**Which brings me to another point. I know the Time War hasn't happened yet in The Master' timestream. I have no quasi-excuses for that, except perhaps that a war which **_**locks your people out of reality**_** might affect them. At least a little bit, y'know? Meh, please just work with me here.**

**Please review!**


	19. Chapter 18: Christmas!

**Disclaimer: Aaand yup, still don't own Harry Potter or Doctor Who. How sad!**

**THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! Every single one of you guys, you're all amazing!**

Martha and Jack were near the point of despair when The Doctor turned up a day before Christmas. They had sat down to the midday meal and had begun to eat when The Master came downstairs, chatting animatedly with The Doctor. Martha and Jack stared at this for a few seconds before realizing that The Doctor and The Master were actually having a civilized conversation and not trying to kill each other. Martha was about to spring out of her seat to retrieve The Doctor, who was surely hypnotized, from The Master, when Jack put a warning hand on her shoulder. "No," he said. "We're not sure what's going on here. And don't you think he looks better?" Martha had to admit that was true. The terrible pain and regret was gone from The Doctor's eyes, and he was certainly excited, if his violent hand gestures were anything to go by. As the two walked closer Jack and Martha could hear the conversation.

"No, Koschei, I'm telling you, Nyolthela venom is _useless _as soon as it's diluted beyond fifty parts per million! I've tried!" "I've tried too, Theta, and I'm serious-it'll still disintegrate copper!" "Well, sure, but how thick was your copper sheet?" "I don't know, two millimeters?" "Exactly! You could disintegrate two millimeters of copper by breathing hard enough! It's useless-oh, hi guys!" The Doctor saw them and ran over. "He says Nyolthela venom is usable when diluted 'till it's ten parts per million. I say he's crazy! Jack, whaddya think?" This situation was so crazy that Jack actually thought for a moment. "Well, it depends what it's used for. It'll still rust gold at twenty parts per million, but I don't think ten parts per million is useful for much of anything." The Doctor turned to The Master triumphantly. "And there you have it! Even he agrees!" The Master sniffed. "Well, you insisted it was useless beyond fifty parts per million!" "So we're both wrong." The Doctor concluded. The Master nodded. "I'll deal with that. Bye, Theta!" "Bye, Koschei!" The Master left to the teacher's table, and Martha and Jack were still in shock. The Doctor looked at them.

"What?" Martha recovered first, stood up, and started yelling. "RON WEASLEY, DON'T YOU 'WHAT' ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH WE WORRIED ABOUT YOU?! ANY IDEA AT ALL?! WE WENT INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST THREE TIMES-" "Thaaat's enough, Martha." Jack had clamped his hand over her mouth, as people had started to stare. "Let's go outside." They went into the hallway, and Jack took his hand off Martha's mouth. _"Yes?" _he said pointedly. Martha took a deep breath. "Doctor, are you alright?" "No." The Doctor answered honestly, perhaps for the first time. "But I'm better. Much better." Jack nodded. "That's good." He stepped on Martha's foot when she opened her mouth again, and she closed it promptly. "Now, Doctor, why don't you eat lunch with us?" The Doctor nodded enthusiastically. "Blimey, I'd love to!" They went back into the Great Hall, following The Doctor, and all were silent during the eating of their mashed potatoes and beef. As soon as they were all done The Doctor sprang to his feet. "Let's go play!"

Nobody mentioned what had happened for the rest of that day, and perhaps that was the best thing to do. The Doctor seemed alright, after all, and they were really just quite relieved to have him back in one piece. They played most of the day, went into the Forbidden Forest after dinner to talk to the Thestrals and give them food (they could all see them), and went to bed tired.

Jack woke up the next day before even the sun was up. This was because a ginger blur had jumped on top of him. "WakeupwakeupwakeupitsChristmascomeongetupgetup!" The blur squealed. Jack groaned. "Doctor… Stop acting like you're four!" The blur stopped, resolving into The Doctor. "But Jaaaack! It's Christmas!" "Holy shit it's Christmas!" Jack bolted out of bed. "Hey, let's go down to the common room and wait for Martha!" "Splendid idea, Jack." They both dressed quickly and ran downstairs. The Doctor flicked his wand and Martha was down soon after holding packages, rubbing her eyes and looking grumpy. "Doctor, did you cast a tickling spell to wake me up?" "Yep!" The Doctor said happily. "Meh." Martha then sleepily cast a hex on The Doctor which made him covered in worms. "GAAAAAHHHHH!" Martha and Jack both laughed at this. "You really ought to know by now not to wake up Martha without coffee, Doctor." Jack chuckled. The Doctor made a grumpy face, waved his wand, and made the worms disappear. "Riiight. Now, presents!" Martha chuckled. "Somebody sure is excited." "You should be too! This is the first proper Christmas in which I haven't had to save the Earth from extraterrestrials!" All of them laughed at that. Then gave each other presents.

"Ladies first!" said Jack, grinning _that _grin, which of course made Martha blush. "Umm… Thanks… Yeah. This one's from The Doctor!" It had TARDIS-blue paper with Gallifreyan symbols on it. And enough tape to mummify someone. Inside was a white coffee mug. "If you choose a word, whenever you say the word it'll fill with coffee." Martha visibly brightened. "Sweet!" She then looked at the mug and said very clearly, "Coffee!" It immediately filled with rich brown coffee. She happily drank it as Jack said, "My turn!" His was from Martha, with red paper. It was a pair of silly sunglasses and a pink wig. "It'll make you the center of attention at parties," she said. Jack grinned. The Doctor squealed. "My turn now!" His was in black paper, from Jack, and was a box of banana cookies. He hugged Jack and promptly began eating the cookies. "My turn, I guess?" asked Martha, smiling.

Martha's present from Jack, in black paper, was a beginner's guide to Quidditch. "Yes! Now can I borrow your broom?" "Noooo!" Cried Jack. Martha frowned and held up her wand. "ACK! Yes you can! Don't cover me in worms please!" Martha smiled. "Thanks!"

Jack's present from The Doctor, in blue paper with symbols, was a sparkly ribbon. "Um, thanks?" The Doctor looked up from his cookie. "Oh, yes! That ribbon, when tied onto your broomstick, will make all jinxes, curses, and otherwise malevolent spells null and void! Made it myself," he said proudly. Jack was genuinely touched. "Thanks! Yeah, that'll be useful with that match coming up…" They exchanged grins; Quirrell wouldn't know what hit him.

The Doctor's present from Martha, in red paper, was a pin that said GINGERS UNITED! The Doctor was extremely happy and hugged Martha.

They all got a Weasley jumper, being able to tell by the lumpiness of the package. They grimaced and opened them in unison, then just stared. "…My gosh, they're even uglier than I thought!" Martha finally said. They then all put theirs on, and The Doctor put his pin on his.

Jack finally had a package in grey paper, which they knew was the Invisibility Cloak and had fun playing with. But Martha noticed that The Doctor had one more present, too. "…Who's that from?" Martha said curiously. The paper was green, with Gallifreyan symbols. The Doctor read them. "It's 'from The Master, because I know you insist on celebrating this tiresome Earth holiday.'" They were all curious. "…You sure it's safe?" "No." He then opened it, and it overflowed with bubbles. "Gah!"

After cleaning up the bubbles, The Doctor commented as they sat together. "Y'know, it really makes me feel better about sending him a present that'll explode into permanent pink dye.

They looked at each other and cracked up.

**Yep. They were friends at Uni, after all, and probably the Time Lord equivalent of troublesome frat boys.**

**Sorry for inconsistent chapter size! Hope it was all right… Oh, and sorry if I got the Quidditch game dates wrong. I can never remember.**

**Mwahaha! Please review!**


	20. Chapter 19: How They Spent Christmas Day

**Disclaimer: Seriously, I still don't own anything. We've been through this already!**

**THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING! :D :D :D It makes me happy.**

**So I was thinking, Christmas prank war or Christmas alien attack? Then I thought, why not both? After all, an invasion by hostile aliens on Christmas is practically mandatory by now for Earth. :D :D :D :D :D Oh, and a cookie if you caught all the references!**

Christmas had only just started, and so The Doctor, Jack, and Martha went downstairs, Martha sipping coffee from her enchanted mug, to go to breakfast. They had sat down, and everyone was in bright spirits. They opened Christmas crackers (Much more fun when magic!) and then IT started. The Doctor had just drunk some of his pumpkin juice.

He turned into a wallaby.

Silence fell over the Great Hall. Then laughter burst out from near the door. The three friends turned slowly, and The Master was doubled over, cackling. He was covered in neon pink splatters of dye. The Doctor grinned, which was hard for a wallaby. "It worked!" He then bounded over the table and hopped towards The Master yelling. "YAAAAAHHHH!" "AAAAHHHHHH!" The Master shrieked and ran away. Martha and Jack looked at each other, then shrugged. "SPARTAAAAAA!" They yelled as they ran after them, wands brandished.

"…Sparta?" Professor McGonagall said after five minutes of stunned silence. Then the teachers shrugged and continued partying.

Outside, there was a massive battle going on. The Master and The Doctor were dueling, The Master as a llama and The Doctor as a wallaby. Martha and Jack weren't quite sure how the llama happened, but… whatever. After a duel, a rap battle, and a dance-off, The Doctor and The Master turned back into Ron and Yana. Martha and Jack were still getting over the fact that a wallaby and a llama had a dance-off as The Master (still pink from the dye) went back to the castle to grade papers. When The Doctor turned back to his friends, they were laughing their heads off and recounting some of the more epic dance moves.

Suddenly the sky darkened. The friends fell quiet and looked up, just in time to see an enormous spaceship with what looked like a bird painted on the underside fall onto the meadow. "D'arvit!" was all The Doctor said. Jack looked at him oddly. Then the spaceship opened up and all three of them swore as aliens with poured out. Literally _poured; _they seemed to be blobs made of some semi-liquid viscous substance. "I'm not sure about this reality, but I _might _have blown up their planet," The Doctor muttered to himself. Martha stepped on his foot. "Shush! They might be peaceful!" The two boys looked at her disbelievingly, then looked back at the lead blob, who was doing something involving humming and flashes of light. The Doctor swore vehemently in German.

"They're going to nuke the planet!" he cried. Martha and Jack took action. They, in unison, shot stunning spells at the spaceship-which bounced off. The blobs seemed to be angry at this, as they began to turn orange and pouring themselves towards the three. "Don't let them touch you!" The Doctor cried. "Their snot is highly corrosive! _Augamenti!" _Water burst from his wand, dousing the blobs, who began turning runny. Martha and Jack caught on and cast the same spell, driving the blobs back. The Doctor ended his spell and aimed his wand upwards. _"Vade!" _The spaceship disappeared.

The blobs were runny but still dangerous, as they now oozed towards the three friends. "RUN!" yelled The Doctor. And so they all did what seemed to comprise of a lot of their adventures-ran for their lives. When they dared to glance back they saw that, indeed, the trail the blobs left was bubbling and orange and eating into the ground. "This way!" The Doctor yelled. They followed him as he ran straight towards the lake. At the last minute they jumped aside, but the blobs overshot and fell into the lake. They hissed and steamed, and eventually dissolved into nothing. "What-what were those?" Martha asked as she gasped for breath. "Merfolk food, now." The Doctor replied. "Quite tasty if your digestive tract can handle it," he added. They all collapsed into fits of giggles.

Suddenly Jack stood up. "Doctor?" "Hmm, yes?" "There are angry teachers coming towards us." The Doctor looked. "Why, so there are. And The Master is laughing his head off. You know what I think we should do now?" "What?" Jack and Martha asked together. "Run."

They were shrieking with laughter as they ran back to the castle.

**:D I hope you enjoyed! Review if you caught all the references.**


	21. Chapter 20: That Face

**Disclaimer: Legit, I don't own either of these wonderful stories. At all.**

**So… yeah. Yes, plot isn't exactly correct. Please just deal with it. And yes, I know it's silly… I was stuck on ideas, okay?**

The Doctor, Martha and Jack had been shrieking with laughter all the way to the common room. Once there, they finally stopped running. "Oh… Ohmigosh… Did we really just do that?" Martha panted, hands on knees. Jack nodded, still gasping. "Yeah… We did… Her face… Did you see her _face?" _They all started laughing as they remembered Professor McGonagall's expression. Priceless.

The rest of the kids who hung out in the common room had learned by now it was best to ignore the two weirdos who hung with The Boy Who Lived. Come to think of it, it was just best to ignore all _three _weirdos. But Neville Longbottom couldn't help himself. "What… what happened?" he stammered, then almost fell over as all three looked straight at him in surprise. "We… well…" Jack looked at his friends for support and they all just collapsed laughing. The Doctor was the first to sober up. "We may have just saved the Earth from aliens in front of Professor Kitty…" he helplessly burst into giggles again. Neville blinked. Then: "You… you guys call her Professor Kitty _too_?" They looked at him, still laughing, and nodded.

Soon everyone was rolling on the floor in fits of giggles. Suddenly George (Or was it Fred?) popped up, a serious expression on his face. "Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "I believe that I have seen the face which my brother speaks of before. And I tell you that no description can adequately describe it. Therefore, I propose we try to have her make that face again, as many times as possible. I propose we also call her Professor Kitty." Everyone cheered, then collapsed back into giggles.

"What have we done?" whispered Martha.

It did not start right away. They all decided to wait until the Christmas holidays were over, to make it more of an impact. Meanwhile, for the rest of vacation Fred and George were kind enough to carry food up to the common room, for as they said, "You're not safe going down there until she's off the warpath." They were unable to explain, however,why it was that the morning after they made the plans, Professors Snape and Yana laughed so hard they choked on their porridge. "I think they suspect something," Fred added. The three friends just snorted.

The day everyone came back, Fred and George both explained to everyone the situation, and what was going to happen. They all agreed it would start the next day, when classes started. The next day, everyone did a remarkably good job at hiding their grins. Until Transfiguration class, which, coincidentally, the first year Gryffindors had first thing that day.

"And we are reviewing the beetle-to-button spell today. Oswald, would you care to demonstrate to the class?" "Yes, Professor Kitty." Clara Oswald said complacently, so much so that McGonagall almost missed it. But not quite. "…Excuse me?" Clara looked up. "I said yes, I will demonstrate." "No. I mean, _what _did you just call me?" "Oh, Professor Kitty. It's because you turn yourself into a kitty." Clara explained matter-of-factly. McGonagall's face twitched.

They all ended up being dismissed from class early, but considered it a success as she had made The Face once, and they had all seen it. They cracked up as they went out of the classroom, and all the Gryffindors they saw in the hallway high-fived them. All throughout potions, Snape was smirking, and didn't criticize everything the Gryffindors did. He still yelled at Neville, but then again, he had managed to knock out his partner with the fumes from his cauldron.

They fully expected an announcement to be made during dinner; apparently McGonagall did too, for she was rather twitchy and kept speaking to Dumbledore, who nodded and rose to his feet after dessert disappeared from the table. The school as one held it's breath. This was it-would the Gryffindors be lectured? Expelled en masse? "I am sure you all know what I am going to speak to you about," he said sternly. Then smiled lopsidedly.

"Good job." All the students, and a fair amount of the teachers, openly gaped at him when he sat down. "I quite like that face, Minerva." he said mildly.

…**Yeah. Please just forgive me for this one; it crawled it's way out of my subconscious after too many Cheetos.**

**IMPORTANT! I am going to be on hiatus for the next few days for medical reasons. I know I've finally found a schedule and stuck to it, and I'm sorry for breaking it. However, I will be unable to use the computer for all of tomorrow or the next day. So, yeah… sorry. D:**


	22. Chapter 21: Everyone loves dragons!

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of it.**

**WHAAAAH! I'M SO SORRY! I missed 3 updates, I know… please forgive me. There was medical stuff, then doctors, then projects and volunteering… Please don't be mad! It's not completely my fault!**

**Thank you guys who reviewed! I mean, wow, 82 reviews? I had no idea this story would be so… popular? Have people who cared? Whatever it is, thanks. It really means a lot to me.**

After about a week of students tormenting the Head of Gryffindor House, Dumbledore stood up and made a speech about how yes, this was very fun, but please stop now because all the teacher's coffee has been turned into spiders. The three friends looked at each other and grinned. "I still say it's mission accomplished-she made The Face six times!" The others all nodded in agreement. The days passed by rather easier after that; Professor McGonagall was grumpy, but still relatively fair. Everyone still referred to her as "Professor Kitty" once she was out of earshot, of course, but what's a teacher to do about that?

It was nearing the Easter Holidays when Jack was woken up in the middle of the night by a very anxious Doctor. "Wha… whuzzat?" he asked sleepily. "Jack," The Doctor hissed, "Remember what happens to Hagrid this year?" Jack _hmmed_ into his pillow for almost a minute, then sat bolt upright. _"Shit,"_ he gasped. The Doctor grinned a maniac grin. "Yep!" Jack groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll… I'll be down in a second." The Doctor nodded and slipped away.

By the time Jack got downstairs, The Doctor was vibrating, with Martha standing next to him, quietly sipping coffee out of her enchanted mug. Jack blinked at him. "…Doctor?" "Yep?" "Martha's awake." "Yep. I went into the girl's dormitory to wake her up." Jack blinked again. "Isn't… Don't… Don't the stairs turn into a slide?" Martha sighed tiredly. "Guess it only works on humans!" The Doctor said brightly. "Darn." said Jack. Martha and The Doctor both glared at him. _"Jack!" _"Can't blame me for trying!" Martha rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Let's go see Hagrid. Anyone have an excuse?" "Um… Ron ate too much sugar and can't sleep?" Jack suggested. They all laughed, then The Doctor stopped. "Hey, that's not funny!" The others cracked up again. "Oi!"

They used Jack's Invisibility Cloak to slip downstairs unnoticed. Jack and Martha shivered as they stepped outside; it was chilly. The Doctor, of course, didn't seem to notice. "Come _on!" _he cried, sounding for all the world like a whiny kid who wanted to see the elephants. Jack and Martha rolled their eyes. They snuck over to Hagrid's hut, and Jack took off the cloak once they were there. The Doctor fit it into a pocket that did _not _look big enough to hold a cloak as Martha knocked. Hagrid soon opened the door a crack. "Eh? Oh, Harry! Yer out late! How ye doin'?" He opened the door just enough to give Harry a bone-crushing hug. "Blimey, haven't seen ye in a while, have I!" Jack was trying, but not succeeding, to breathe. "Great… to see… you too… Hagrid" he gasped. Martha took pity on him. "Uh, Hagrid? Could we come in? Ron can't sleep, and we were wondering if you had tea to calm him down?" Hagrid released a very purple Jack immediately. "Oh! Eh… sure." He let them in, while very conspicuously trying to stand in front of the fire, which was roaring even in the middle of spring. "Ooh, Hagrid, what's in the fire?" The Doctor piped up excitedly. "Nothin'," Hagrid said shiftily. Martha and Jack mentally rolled their eyes. The Doctor looked

"Wow! A dragon egg! It's… a Norwegian Ridgeback, right?" Hagrid looked scared that someone had figured it out, so Martha cut in. "Hagrid… where'd you get this?" The Doctor winked at her from behind Hagrid's back. Hagrid puffed out his chest. "A man in th' Hog's Head gave it te meh! Was real impressed by Fluffy. He said-" just then Hagrid seemed to realize this was top-secret information. "Ehhh, never mind. Uh… ye guys want some tea?" The three graciously accepted the tea and they sat down.

The Doctor spoke first. "A real dragon egg! Wow! Hagrid, when do you think it'll hatch?" Hagrid beamed. "Sometime next week, in fact. Th' books I'm readin' said so!" Martha facepalmed. "Hagrid, you live in a _wooden house. _How are you going to take care of a dragon that breathes _fire?" _The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Bring it to the Forbidden Forest when it's old enough, _duh!" _he said. Jack shot him a you're-not-helping look. The Doctor shot back a too-bad-for-you look. "You can't bring a _dragon _into the Forbidden Forest! It'll eat everything and terrorize the students!" Martha exclaimed. "Who says? The Acromantulas didn't change the ecosystem that much. That was a whole bunch of them! Who says a little dragon will hurt anyone?" Martha and Jack groaned inwardly. Didn't this go against the plot or something?

A week later, Jack got a note in the middle of lunch. _It's hatching, _was all it said. They raced outside to Hagrid's hut and pounded on the door. Hagrid flung it open. "C'mon!" he said. They went inside. On the table was the egg, and it was wobbling. A small piece had already been broken off and more and more cracks were appearing. Suddenly it split in half and a tiny dragon wobbled out.

Jack knew he had been spending too much time with The Doctor when the first thing he thought about a fire-breathing monster was _Awwwww! _But he couldn't help it. It was adorable! Big round eyes, a snuffly nose, gangly legs and awkward wings-it was simply too cute. It staggered across the table, and sat down on the edge. It looked down and whimpered. Hagrid went up to the little dragon. He crooned to it and tried to pet it, and then the spell of adorableness was promptly broken when the little dragon tried to bite off Hagrid's finger. Jack winced. "Here, let me try." The Doctor said gently. He went up to the dragon, and it arched it's back and hissed at him, fanning out it's wings. The Doctor hissed back, softly, and snarled. The dragon cocked it's head. The Doctor held his hand out. The dragon nuzzled it's face against his hand. "Who's a sweetie pie?" The Doctor crooned to it. He looked at their disbelieving faces.

"It loves you, Hagrid! I'm sure it didn't mean to bite you-you love your mummy, isn't that right?" The last part was directed at the little dragon, who squeaked happily. Hagrid rushed up to it. "Awww! Yer okay. Mummy's here now." The dragon sniffed Hagrid's hand, and allowed him to pet it. "I think his name should be Norbert. Norbert loves 'is mummy, don't he?" Hagrid cooed. "Actually," The Doctor said carefully, "I'm pretty sure she's a girl." Hagrid looked up. "Ye sure?" He looked back at the dragon. "Huh. Then, how 'bout Linda?" Linda squeaked happily. "Linda loves 'er mummy!"

Linda grew exponentially. After only a week, she was almost the size of Fang. The three friend went over one day to talk about this. "You know," Martha said carefully, "Linda's getting pretty big." Hagrid beamed at them. "I know! She sure packs away the food, too! That's good," he added to the dragon currently purring as it toppled The Doctor over and licked him, "Makes ye nice an' strong!" Jack sighed. He tried diplomacy. "Hagrid… When Linda gets bigger and she can't fit in your house anymore, what are you going to do?" "Put 'er in th' Forbidden Forest, o' course!" He replied promptly. Jack sighed again. "Um, Hagrid, I really don't think that will work. Ron, you have a cousin who works with dragons in Romania, right?" The last question was directed at The Doctor, and was rather pointed. The Doctor looked up from where he was laying on the ground. "What? Oh, yeah." "So… Couldn't Linda go to live with the other wild dragons, out in Romania?" "What?" Hagrid and The Doctor both squawked. "She's much too young, you know." The Doctor said, scratching the head of the dragon sleeping on his chest. "An' we can' leave 'er by 'erself!" Hagrid cried. "Without 'er mummy?" "The Forbidden Forest will be okay, in about another three days or so." The Doctor said, shooting a look to his friends that said _Trust me on this one. _"You could go and visit her whenever." he said to Hagrid, who nodded. "Tha's a good idea, Ron." Suddenly Jack looked out the window. "Sh-" he cut himself off before he said any more. "Let's go." he said suddenly. Hagrid looked confused, but Jack bodily hauled The Doctor out from under Linda, and dragged him and Martha out the door.

"What's that all about?" Martha asked. "Malfoy," Jack said grimly. "I saw him looking in through the window. Martha gasped. "If he saw Linda…" They shuddered and went back to Hagrid, making plans for Linda to be taken to the Forbidden Forest the next day.

The next day, after class, the friends went directly to Hagrid with the invisibility cloak under Jack's arm. Together, they and Hagrid safely got Linda under the cloak and trundled her over into the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid had a hard time saying goodbye, though. "Don't worry." The Doctor said reassuringly. "I… have this _feeling _that she'll come to you whenever you go in. And she'll do fine hunting." Hagrid sniffed. "I know, it's just… G'bye, Linda!" He called as she smashed through the forest. Hagrid stayed standing there among the trees, watching, and the three friends turned around to go back to the castle.

And ran smack into Professor Snape as they went along the path leading out of the Forest.

"…_Shit." _was all Jack said. Snape raised an eyebrow. "Detention. Tonight. Filch shall decide," he said in a silky voice. "In the meanwhile, come back to the castle with me, please.

**Yeah, sorry if everyone was a bit weird in this chapter. And sorry for weird chapter size. But hey, it's an update, right?**


	23. Chapter 22: Detention In the Forest

**Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. BBC owns Doctor Who. I still don't have anything. WHYYY?**

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING! It makes me feel all happy inside.**

The three friends weren't really surprised when they were told that they would have detention in the Forbidden Forest at night, because "apparently you dunderheads like the forest". Surprised, no. But they had three very different thoughts. The Doctor was wondering if they would see Linda, and if she was eating enough. Jack was wondering if he was actually going to see Voldemort, and if so, if he would be scarier than The Master. Martha was wondering what the hell she was supposed to do if she saw Linda, Voldemort, giant spiders, or other scary monsters if The Doctor wasn't around to talk to them. These were the thoughts of the three children as they walked to the gloomy forest, Filch ahead with a lantern like a strange fairy.

Hagrid was waiting for them, along with Fang, at the edge of the forest. "Alrigh'," he said gruffly, "I'll take 'em from here, Filch." Filch nodded, still leering at them. "I'll be back to pick up what's left, then." he cackled, and was off. Quite personally, none of the three were impressed. They had seen _much _creepier people, and had eaten lunch with some of them. "So," Hagrid began as they traipsed through the forest, "There's a unicorn i' th' forest. Poor thing's wounded." Here he pointed to a silvery smear on a tree. "Our job is te find it an' put it outta it's misery. If ye see it, shoot up green sparks wi' yer wand. If there's danger, red sparks. Got it?" They all nodded. "Good. Hermione, yer comin' wi' me. Harry, yer wi' Ron. An' Fang," he added, "but e's a right coward, so don't depend on him." They nodded, and went their separate ways.

"Now," The Doctor said to Fang once they were out of earshot of Hagrid, "You're good at tracking, right?" Fang looked at him and whimpered. "What? Oh, okay then. Sorry." Jack raised an eyebrow at this exchange, but The Doctor shook his head. "Okay, then. What are we supposed to do, Doctor, wander around till we find Voldie the Vampire?" "Nah." said The Doctor. He gestured to a silvery smear on the ground. Then he bent down and sniffed it. Then he got back up. He frowned, inhaled deeply, licked a finger, held it up, waited, then sniffed the air again. "This way," he said, pointing and jogging off.

Fang and Jack exchanged incredulous looks, then trotted after The Doctor.

The Doctor had taken a few turns, and Fang soon caught up, but Jack soon found himself losing sight of the Time Lord and canine. "Doctor, wait!" he cried. But to no avail; Jack was now lost. He looked around. All the trees looked the same in the dark. "Crap," he muttered under his breath. Now what? He listened very carefully for any sound of The Doctor or Fang. He heard… something. Voices? Might as well, he figured. He walked towards the sound, and stepped into a clearing.

"Now, not that I'm saying that you need to become a vegetarian. But really, murdering a unicorn just for your health? Now that's just unethical!" The Doctor was lecturing a figure in a black cloak. The Doctor was standing over the dead body of what Jack presumed to be a unicorn. He was really quite angry, and an angry Doctor could be quite scary and was always a force to be reckoned with. "An innocent, sentient being. An embodiment of goodness. You _murdered _it, cravenly, for the sake of immortality!" The Doctor took a step forwards, and the figure took a step back. But The Doctor wasn't done. "Immortality is a curse, more so because you killed for it. You kill so that you may live? Now, is that _fair? _No, not even that. Is that _supposed to work? _You're human! You're supposed to die eventually. Everything does. Yet you insist on unnatural ways of keeping yourself alive." His voice was deathly quiet now, and carried with it all the power of a Lord of Time. "You murdered, split apart your very soul, that which makes you human, to be able to live a parody of life. Because this isn't life you're living right now, oh no. This is a _curse, _a curse of endurance. And you inflict it upon yourself. Willingly. But you know what?" He paused, and Jack could see his eyes, shining with stars. "You aren't safe. Remember that. You. Aren't. Safe. Not here, not in the farthest reaches of this universe. Because there exist those who protect. And there exist those who know the value of life. So run. Run for your life, because no matter how immortal you consider yourself, you aren't safe."

The figure, obscured by the black cloak, paused. And then turned.

Harry blacked out as it swooshed towards him.

He awoke, a few moments later, to The Doctor's worried face. "Jack. Jack! You there?" Jack blinked and nodded. The Doctor relaxed visibly. "Good. I sent up green sparks, so Hagrid and Martha ought to be here soon. And Fang, don't know where he got off too… Right! You're okay then?" Jack nodded and sat up. "That… Was that…" "Yes." The Doctor said gently. "But it's gone now." Jack shivered. When the _thing _turned it's face towards him, he had seen it just for a second. It was as bad as the things from his nightmares.

He was in a daze for a while after that. He only started to pay attention when someone put something into his hand. Then he realized he was back in the castle, in the Common Room. A cup of cocoa was in his hand, and Martha and The Doctor looked at him concernedly. "Jack. You okay?" Martha asked. "I'm… yeah. I'm fine." He looked at The Doctor. "…Yeah, I could never do your job." The Doctor and Martha broke into grins, visibly relieved. "You just need practice!" said The Doctor. "And now you need sleep. Go to bed now, or I will hex you to snap you out of it." Martha said sternly. "Gah! Ok! I'll go to bed! Just let me finish my hot chocolate!"

**Back on schedule, dammit! Yeah. So… hope this chapter wasn't too creepy/lame. Remember, none of this stuff is beta-ed and usually not edited. So just work with me here. Please.**

**Questions? Comments? Please review! You'll get cookies.**


	24. Chapter 23: Kidnapped!

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, don't own Doctor Who… Am I doomed to own none of these lovely things?**

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING. You are all amazing. And now you all have bacon cookies with nutella and bananas.**

**TO ANSWER WEIRDCORNCHIP'S QUESTION: No! No! The Doctor did *not* drink the unicorn's blood. He was standing protectively over it because he was defending it from Quirrellmort as it died. HE WASN'T BEING CREEPY.**

…**Though I can see how it could be interpreted that way.**

Hours turned into days, which melted into weeks that flew past. Everyone was excited that the end of the school year was only a couple of months away. Martha, Jack, and The Doctor were also excited, but for a very different reason. "So guys," began The Doctor, "How are we planning on going about the trials?" They thought for a few minutes. "Well, you said that we can't go against the plot, right? So, I say we stick to the book as closely as possible." This is what Jack thought. "Yeah, but something could still go wrong!" argued Martha. "I think we need to do it a bit safer." Jack and The Doctor snorted. "Um, hello? In case you're forgetting, I'm immortal and he's practically so. I think we'll be fine, so long as _you _don't get hurt." "Fair point," conceded Martha, "But for heaven's sake no unnecessary risks!" They agreed to this, and went to bed antsy with anticipation.

"Remember it's not for a while yet." The Doctor said when he found his friends practically vibrating with nerves instead of studying for a Transfiguration quiz. They groaned. "How are we supposed to focus on studying when _you-know-what _is about to happen!?" Martha exclaimed. The Doctor cheered them all up by first giving them a lecture on Transfigurations that was decidedly non-traditional and then turning everything he saw into other things. This turned into a game of Martha or Jack saying an object, and The Doctor turning something into that object. The purpose of this was to see if there was actually any object The Doctor couldn't transfigure. Martha and Jack lost.

"Hey, have you seen Jack?" was the first thing The Doctor said the next day to Martha. She frowned and shook her head. "No, I thought he was with you." The Doctor frowned and began to pace, muttering to himself. "He wasn't in the Quidditch pitch… And I could smell him walking that way… But it didn't go past…" He suddenly stopped, a stricken look on his face. "Martha, have you seen The Master today?" Martha screwed up her face, then shook her head. "Or Dumbledore?" She shook her head again. Then made the connection.

"Oh _shit."_

"You don't think-" "Unfortunately, yes, Martha. We're dealing with a madman who's only goal, at this point, was to become immortal. Escaping me was probably only a bonus," he sighed. "But the plot ought to be alright, so long as there's a climatic battle." "So… is he…" "Yes." "…_Fuck."_

Jack woke up to the tingly feeling of coming back to life after being killed. When had he…? He opened his eyes. It came back to him. Oh. _Oh. _"Enjoy your nap?" a cold voice sneered. "Fuck off, Master." Jack sighed. The Master chuckled. "You can't die. You are _immortal._" The madman was practically purring. Suddenly his voice got sharp. "You are a freak, a constant in all of space and time. How did you do it? _Tell me how you did it!" _"I don't know. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Your timeline wouldn't let me, and I _really _don't want to know how being eaten by a Reaper will feel." The Master roughly yanked Jack upright. "Tell me. Or I will kill you again and again." his voice was blank, cold. It gave Jack shivers. "I won't." The Master looked at him for a long minute, then made a disgusted noise and flung Jack away from himself. "Well, you were only a backup anyways. I have no desire to become a _freak _like you." His eyes acquired a mad glint. "The Philosopher's Stone, though… that sounds _interesting."_

The Doctor and Martha were running down the hallway. "So, his scent ended here, but that's probably because of some trick of The Master's." The Doctor was explaining. He stopped and pointed his wand at the nearby door. _"Alohomora." _he said. The door clicked open. Inside the room was an enormous three-headed dog, growling. "Hey, Fluffy." The Doctor said softly. Fluffy cocked each of his heads, listening. "We're not going to hurt you, I swear. We just want to know if a man came through here before-probably dragging a boy. Do you remember anyone like that?" Fluffy whined. "Yeah, he's scary. I know. But we're here to stop him. So we're going to go through the trap door under your paws, okay? Would you mind moving so we can do that?" Fluffy nodded, panting. He shuffled over. The Doctor gave him a pat as he went by. "Good boy… Thank you." Martha noticed him cast a non-verbal charm as he opened the trap door. "Now he can't hear anything." The Doctor said in an undertone. "Useful if Voldie comes by after all. Ha!" He had opened the trap door, and was looking down. "Helloooooo!" His voice echoed. He shrugged. "Fire, remember!" With this parting remark, he jumped down. Martha sighed, but followed.

She landed on something soft and squishy. The Doctor had already cast a fire spell, and the tendrils of Devils Snare were shrinking from the light and heat, the last few vines were disappearing as she got up. "Onwards, then." she said, marching over to the door.

In the next room were the flying keys. "How are we going to catch it with only two of us?" Martha wondered, looking for the right key. The Doctor pointed. "Look." She saw a large, tarnished key, flying erratically. "That wing's nearly broken; it should fall any… second… now." He held out his hand, and the key fell into it with a _plop. _"Poor thing." He gently used it to unlock the door. The next room… had the chess set.

"Crap," The Doctor sighed. Nevertheless, he played excellently, and ended up about to make the move that would get him knocked out by the queen. "Remember your move!" he called. "And don't worry about me! Really! Just drag me into the next room." Martha sighed, then winced as he got bashed on the head by the queen. She won the game. "Dammit Doctor, you _better _wake up," she muttered as she dragged his unconscious body into the next room. The troll was huddled in a corner, cowering. Martha almost felt sorry for the poor thing-she knew firsthand how terrifying The Master could be. She went on to the next room, though, unwilling to wait for The Doctor to wake up in the same room as a _troll._

The Doctor woke up as Martha was puzzling over the potions. "Ah! What? Oh, hey Martha. Potions?" He stood up, tottered a little, but walked over to the table without much difficulty. He glanced at the paper. "Ooh, different riddle. As much as I love riddles, we need to get going." He took each bottle and sniffed it. "Here you go," he said, passing a bottle with a small amount of green liquid left. "There's only enough left for one person… Doctor, you should-" "Martha. Don't worry. The fire won't hurt me." "If you say so… I just don't want you hurt!" The Doctor laid a hand on her shoulder. "Martha, it's okay. Right now we have to worry about Jack." Martha sniffed, but nodded and gulped the potion. She felt all tingly as she took The Doctor's hand and walked through the flames.

**Oh mah gawsh! Cliffhanger!**

**Yeah, I think that I stunk at Jack's kidnap-scene. Please forgive me, as I have *no* experience writing any of this sort of stuff.**

**Please review!**


	25. Chapter 24: Debate

**Disclaimer: These things, they do not belong to me. And probably never will, no matter how much I wish otherwise.**

**Sorry I missed an update! Life-ey stuff got in the way. And school stuff. Blergh. And sorry I missed another update; the website was being a jerk and not letting me upload. We cool, though, right?**

**OH MAH GAWSH! 101 REVIEWS! *dies* Thank you guys for caring, and for your feedback. I honestly never thought this story would be much of anything.**

Jack was working on his bonds and trying to wriggle free from them when the flames suddenly went up in the fireplace on one of the walls. Martha and The Doctor stepped through, hand in hand. Both had eyes blazing with determination. The Doctor stepped forwards at the same time as The Master.

"Doctor," the madman greeted with a sneer. "Master," The Doctor said quietly. They circled each other, staring with unblinking gazes into the other's eyes. Jack held his breath, and Martha quietly shot spells at the ropes tying Jack down.

The Doctor was the first to speak. "Why." It was a statement and not a question. "You don't need to do this. You really don't." "But Doctor… it's _immortality. _And thoroughly dependable, too. Not like regenerating. You _never die. _Never get older, never vulnerable. All it takes is a stone." "Not vulnerable? You would be completely dependent on that stone. Miss a single _dose _of your _medicine, _and you're dead. No take backs, no chances. And you don't need to be immortal to live! Come on, you're above that nonsense!" The Master just sneered. Jack was almost free but stayed still as to not alert The Master of his current state.

"No, Doctor. It's not nonsense. It's a _chance. _A chance to become greater than even Rassalion! A chance to live forever! And I wouldn't ever forget." The Doctor shook his head. "No. No, that's not how it works! Living a long time, or even forever isn't what's important! You know that! Life… It runs it's course, then ends. But if you _live _instead of focusing on just _enduring, _you'll be much happier." The Master stopped circling. "I am dying." he said softly. "My next regeneration will be my last, and I will _die. _If you were dying, Doctor, wouldn't you want to stay alive? Wouldn't you want to _cheat death _just as long as you could?" "No." The Doctor's voice was quiet now, and Jack and Martha both knew what he was thinking of. "I'd want to die. And another thing-_you can't remove the stone from this reality. _Remember? This reality doesn't exist in our physical world. You couldn't bring it with you even if you tried." He smiled tiredly as The Master's face twisted into rage. "Why do you insist on _stopping _me from my rightful glory?" he hissed. The Doctor drew himself up, all four feet ten of him. "Because it's wrong. Taking a stone and becoming immortal is wrong. It didn't work in the original book, and it's not going to work now."

The Master frowned, snarling, then cast a spell. The Doctor was caught off guard, so he only had time to gasp in pain before slumping to the ground. Jack slipped out of his bonds and started to inch towards The Doctor. "Now," The Master said, turning to the mirror in the room, "I can finally get this stone without having to listen to your _chatter." _he said, sneering. Martha creeped up behind him. "Now, how to-ACK!" Martha had done her worm-hex, which may not have been very injurious, but was certainly surprising and somewhat inhibiting. Jack tackled The Master sideways while he was off-balance. "What did you do to The Doctor?" he yelled. "Nothing serious, actually." said a chipper voice behind him. "Ligate!" Ropes appeared, whipping themselves around The Master. "Right then, good job with the worm-hex, Martha." Martha beamed. "You sure you're alright, though?" she checked. "Yep! I'm fine. And not glowing, so even better." The Master was scowling, but silent. Suddenly The Doctor stiffened. "Oh, shit."

Quirrell had just smashed through the fireplace.

**The Doctor just can't get a quiet moment, can he...**

**Yeah, sorry if this was a weird chapter-thing. If y'all have any ideas on how to make this section make more sense, or just be less crappy, tell me. I feel I'm missing something with no idea as to what it is.**


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